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  • Bombs away!
    > Bombing Iran won't stop it from pursuing its program. The choices are to airstrike first and then ground-invade from Azerbaijan but there's no ability to hold captured ground. Besides, if we hit Iran, they will hit US bases in Iraq. Game, Set, Match.

    I predict the US will try to impose sanctions but the anti-Cheney/Rumsfeld rift is too big now for much more than empty scolding and fist-shaking. After all, Bush cannot afford a big fat gas hike pre-election.

    And PS - the word is fundamentalists, not facists.
    > Und He ist very angry...
    > Ann:

    What are you smoking.

    America will always win any war. WE have an unlimited supply of soldiers. We can overthrow any government and hold any land.



    Fundamentalists? Don't try to use your fancy college words on me, science boy!
    > I had no idea this Islamofascists was also a HIPPIE. I used to be against the imminent war in Iran that America will win, but now that I know what we are dealing with here, I may have to jump on the nuke Iran bandwagon.
    > Pursey,

    You're not already on the bandwagon?! Then who is playing the cello?!?!
    > Well, Sporty,
    I have no clue who is playing the cello. I'm blowing the horn, but know nothing about cellos. Now cellophane, that's a different story.
    > You're not already on the bandwagon?! Then who is playing the cello?!?!

    > Pursey, if'n you put some cellofane over a comb that'll make you a nice kazoo yawl.

    Then you can join that there bandwagon.

    Who is this anonymous person and why does it think it knows everthang yawl?
    > Get yours FREE Today!
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  • And Just Like That, Another Insane Moonbat Psycho Steps Up!
    > "Why cain't Ah quit you, Killer?"

    - "It's just a little stamp tax" - Ben Franklin
    > The South rises again!
    > Vy are dose two fine jung Americans holding arms around each udder?
    > Carl,

    They like each other, that's why.
    > I bet Sporty would like some "hugs" too yawl! Haw!
  • The General Has Sounded the Clarion Call
    > Now I'm all confused yawl. I thought Cindy Sheehan was the head of the moonbats. Aww, how I'm supposed to keep track of the heads of moonbats when they keep changin yawl??
    > crazy mother so and sos
  • Do The Math: Nazis + Commies = Islamofascists!
    > .......very nice.....i like it.
    > They keep putting this explosion off, trying to build a case, garner support, wait for the November selections to pass. Lah-dee-da-dee-da, filing my fingernails.
    > I think if everone would just shut the hell up and lissen up to Our President George Bush then there would be no problems. Why cain't folks just believe George Bush? See how much sense he makes? We gotta fight anyone who acts like a fashist or Communist yawl. And that's the Islams.
  • Traitor Liberal Media News Terrorist infiltrates Fox News
    > Ummmmmm... Richie?

    You must have some looo-ooonnnnggg pubic hair, dude!
    > Sporty,
    He may have a really short gun.

    Richie, you crack me up. I am blogrolling you as soon as I can pick myself up off the floor after reading your comment at Morning Martini.
    > Well, look at the bright side. At least, he was not wearing this horrendous t-shirt.
    > Thanks, Karena. Allow me to invite you to my "church." We have the best revivals.
    > Okay, I admit the DNA comment gave me a good laugh yesterday, thank you for that.

    Okay after you weave the gun, what the hell will you use for bullets? Wait! Wait! Don't tell your two are made of steel. ;)
    > Hair trigger, Richie?

    P.S. Sporty's statements about your pubic hair IN NO WAY mean that he's gay.
    > Mein herr McVite,

    Vot eef der terrorismists made you shave down dere?
    > Katrina,

    Thank you for recognizing that I am NOT gay!
    > I believe you when you say your not gay Sporty......your face has "Truth" written all over it.

    BTW, FF wanted me to ask you what your doing tommorow nite; he's too shy to ask himself.
    > Pissed off Patricia said

    "what the hell will you use for bullets?"

    That question is so glaringly obvious its almost comical.

    When an individual spends a certain amount of time in prison, he has a shot powerful enough to bring down a Canadian moose.
    > Sporty - give it up. We've been listening to your calls. We won't ask, and we're sure you won't tell anyway.
    > Sporty, just keep a low profile around military recruiters.
    > I would love to come to your "church." Please send info. Should I bring a King Ranch casserole or something like that to the revival?
    > Well, aren't you just a playful little minx, Karena?

    I guess those ex-gay classes are finally paying off!

    Yes, bring your "casserole."

    And wear a football jersey.
    > It's a good thang I got lots of hair on my haid so if'n I had to make a gun of somethin it wouldn't be pubes yawl.

    Richie you sound as smart as McGyver! That sure is cool.
  • New film shows Al Franken wants to be Hitler!
    > That Ann! Is there nobody she cannot conquer in honest debate?
    > Way to go Al.

    I'm surprised Ann didn't want to be Jesus' mom. She should have had me writing her lines for her.

    > I heard Ann retorted, "Oh yeah, Al? Well, I wish I had been your mom so I could have had you aborted while taking it up the butt from a Chinese Communist."

    Of course, I think that's how Ann spends most weekends.
    > LOL at Mr. Mcwhite
    > Gut for Ann! She ist ein hot chick, und makes mein marbles tingly! Mein vould like to zee her as Fuhrer someday!
    > I want to be Goering when we play dress up, but Cheney always beats me to the uniform ...
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  • France Is Holding Out On Us!
    > There must be cheese in them bridges.
  • Rumsfeld Gets It Exactly Correct!
    > If ONLY Rummie and the President would follow the example of Genghis Khan and use all of their resources. This constant holding back is creating more problems than it is solving.

    > Curmudgeon,

    Exactly! Let's all start now and get our gear together for a massive assault in Iraq and against Islamofascism! First, get a tightly woven fine silk jerkin, leather helmet and leather pants. Condition your horse - you have a horse don't you? - by galloping him or her up to 20 miles a day. Increase your provisions of fermented mare's milk and jerky.

    We shall all assemble on September 30, one month from today, a day my soothsayers assure me is propicious and gallop to the Fertile Crescent! We will overawe our enemies! It will be glorious!

    Everybody, start preparing NOW!!
    > Um, Sporty, I'm all up for your little gay romp through the desert, but I have an appointment that day.
    > Richie,

    Perhaps that is why my soothsayer thinks it's a good day for our Crusade against Islamofascism!

    Plus, it's not gay to gallop across the desert on a fine steed with murder in your heart! It's so manly!
  • Fishlamist Terrorismists!!!!
    > Oh! The Humanity!
    > I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.

    There should be no reason why fish and fish should not also coexist peacefully.
    > Herr Fuhr...meain mean, MEIN PRESIDENT! Eet ees ein honor to haff you here!
    > Carl

    Obviouly you doctored this pic......no French fish would dare attack an American fish.

    You forgot to show the pic of the Angel fish crapping his pants and swimming away after a brief struggle.
  • Bush Comforts an Entire American City! (And Some Moonbats Had To Ruin It All)
    > That nazi, neocon George Bush hates black people so much that he used powerful laser weapons to create hurricane Katrina to target just the black and brown people of New Orleans.

    Stop this outrageous bigotry and the racist war against innocent brown people perpetrated by the evil repugs. Vote for hillary; she is full of sweetness and innocence and only cares about the "little guy"...well okay she also loves wealthy trial lawyers, decadent hollywood actors, powerful union bosses, lazy big government bureaucrats, and most dishonest politicians (but she's tired of bill).

    But anyway, everybody vote for hillary. She will destroy the corporatists, corporate greed, corporations, incorporated big business, incorporated small business, sub-S corporations, and unincorporated large and small businesses. She will fight for the rights of the unemployed, government-dependent little guy.
    > Fan,

    Watch it, buddy, or you're banned you insane moonbat psycho lieberal! There won't be any talk about Georgie being a nazi or... gasp.... voting for Hillary!

    I've only been tolerating you since you have been somewhat reasonable lately, witty even.

    So straighten up and blow right, you deranged moonbat demento, you!
    > I'm starting to think this guy isn't a fan of freedom at all.
    > I think he is the guy in that last photo... or is that a woman?

    Well, maybe 'freedom' fan is a woman...
    > Mein is thinking he's a fanny of freedom...leemp wrist und all...
  • Jefferson Davis' House Still Not Repaired!
    > Der leeberal George Bush, hates real Amerikkkans....
    > Absolutely, Carl!

    Can't we get Halliburton on this high priority, Karl?
  • Some People Just Can't Take a Hint!
    > God punished this heathen, cursing her with a mere 60 years of life after removing His Word from the public schools!

    Christian justice triumphs again!
    > I'll say. Thet there busybody was just asking for it yawl. See what happens when you don't server your Lord Jesus? You DIE and I bet she's all burnin up in hell beggin satan to give her another chance. Man that's funny.
    > Bibles will soon replace all Winnie the Pooh books! We're winning!
    > You know, what kind of occupation is dance instructor anyway?! This woman was a total fruitcake!
  • Crazy wingnut moonbat loon masquerades as HUD official
    > I am familiar with Dr. Bichelbaum's work, especially his 1996 presentation on how foreign outsourcing is more economical than slavery!

    He is, I'm afraid, a sadly misunderstood genius...
    > What's a grown man goin around pertending he's somebody he ain't? Send him to Gitmo for f'in up the works. Them black folks can work they asses off like the rest of us if'n they want to fix New Orlenes.

    He probly wore Berkinstocks up there at the podium too.
    > You all forgot to mention that Islamofacists downed the airplane the other day. LGF is frantically looking for connections now
    > Unlisted,

    No we're not! You mean Charles "Chuckles" Johnson's blog?
    > http://www.adquity.com

    Classifieds for our community. Buy, sell, trade, date, events... post anything. Adquity Classifieds.

  • Breaking: Frustrated Islamofascist Terrorist Commuter Blows up D.C. Bridge!
    > They made a contest out of it! Must be a moobat terrist conspiricy yawl. Or the Gay Agenda.
  • Vicious Rap Star Sentenced in Unprovoked Assault Case
    > Is anyone surprised? I am.

    These victims are just lucky they didn't get caps popped in them.

    I have no idea what that means.
    > God, Richie. Caps are bullets. Even I know that and I live in my mom's basement!

    > I had a cap gun when I was a kid, but my father used it to savagely beat me when I couldn't recite all the books of the Old Testament in less than 30 seconds. I didn't know there were bullets in there. I guess I should thank the Lord that my dad didn't shoot me each time I stumbled on Leviticus.
    > I would think it would be Deuteronomy you'd have the most trouble with, Richie!
    > Huh? what's all this bout snappin and poppin?

    I'm just glad that she-wolf got her just disserts. The nerve kickin someone upside the head with sharp high heels. That's the work of a Jezzabell if you ast me.
    > Mein vould like to teach Foxy Brownshirt der lesson...
  • Spaulding Scion Shows Us the Way!
    > Mein freund, why deed he go to dat city vere ve rolled over der Dutch like dey vere a bunch of poosies? Vot kind of men does dat? He ought to be shamed of heemself, goink to a city like Amsterdam!
    > Hey, Calr,

    The Amsterdam thing worked out pretty well for our Josiah! It's not everyday that someone dodges prison for assault with a deadly weapon and gets hate crime charges against him dropped despite yelling rascist slurs, having Nazi and skinhead literature and having white supremacist tattoos!

    Well, he won't have the tattoos for long, but I'm sure the cops will give him back his literature!
    > Welcome to my new blogroll :)
    > Our new American slogan, The Rich Rule
    > Sorry, Carl.


    And thanks, beepbeepitsme! Are you the roadrunner?
    > Dammit, Sporty. You posted that picture and now I gotta go get degayed again.

    That dude is like Hitler and Jeff Gannon rolled into one delicious package.

    Well, I'm off to get my spiked chalice.
    > Vot ein handsem mensch, Shporty...mein can see vy you are zo fond of heem!
    > Carl,

    I am NOT gay!
    > Well, when uppity kids run from me I chase em too. And he was outnumbered. I bet that there judge was a bleedin heart librual, yawl.

    Hey Sporty I din't know you was gay!
    > Betty Jo,

    I keep telling you I'm NOT gay!
    > Nein Shporty, you are not der gay. You just like der mens vot look like tall penises...
  • Vy Der Leebrals Are Loosing!
    > Oh, Carl, that's such a heartwarming story of recovery! Thank you for the inspiration. Lola loves inspiration. You're so inspiring, I want to bear all your children!
    > Lola,

    You don't know what you're in for!

    Seriously, I'm glad Carl is finally getting help for his thinking problem!
    > Oh, Sporty, you're so sincere.
    > That there sure is a beautiful story yawl or would be if'n I could unnerstand it. I been drinkin some Sothern comfert today and a;lsk szzzzzzzzzzzzzzz;la f
    > Lola,

    Mein vould be proud to insert mein zeed in you...
    > Betty Cho,

    Let mein help you put down zat bottle...dere...und now, let me halp you into der bed....jah....derrrrrrrrrrre....
    > NSU - 4efer, 5210 - rulez
    > http://goldcookies.com/index.php
    > Russia - forever!

  • Atlas Shrugs wants to cut and run
    > Atlas is my sweet baboo. And I'm pretty sure her exquisite boobs are the real deal. She has more gonads than any brokenback lib sheep boy.
    > Der Pam Atlass must haff her brains in her boobs. Vot an idiott...
    > Ah, an amateur anatomist in our midst.

    Gonads also refers to ovaries.

    Your comment is therefore meaningless.
    > Haw! Gonads ain't ovaries! Lookit yawl! anonymous thinks a coochie is the same as a weiner!

    Man that's funny. Pam's boobs are real purty, even if they's fake yawl.
    > Betty Cho,

    Is not "coochie" ein feesh?
    > Gonads also refers to ovaries.

    Really? Women normally have ovaries? I had no idea.

    Ovaries must happen when girls as kids are forced, by the diabolical patriarchical system, to play with barbie dolls. Otherwise I'm pretty sure they would grow up with balls like boys.

    /So nice to have a professional (albeit a wussy anonymous) anatomist in our midst.
    > Good recovery!
    Disguise your ignorance with a joke ;)
  • Breaking: Patriots Celebrate Our Nation's Birthday
    > That was pretty awesome. It's just too bad they had to use the door off their trailer as a launcher.
    > Cool. Those are real fireworks like we had as kids, not those useless, goofy "safe and sane" things which just fizzle on the ground...Damn lawyers.
    > Richie,

    That's not a door, that's a launch system!
    > Mein doesnot unnshtand dis video. Vy did dey take ein perfectly gut spaghetti shtrainer for a fat redneck und blow eet op?
    > To celebrate, Carl!
    > Hey that there looked a lot like my ex-boyfriend Buford. He's real good at blowin thangs up and he lives on Marlboros.
    > He's celebrate? Shporty, vy does he nein haff sex anymore????
  • Batty Moonbat Bonkers Tree-Hugging Lib Threatens to Blow Up Major Dam!
    > I'll get right on it! Maybe Gitmo, or perhaps a dark site in Poland. We must never forget Poland.
    > Mebbe ve can zend heem to Iraq vere he could be a beet more uzeful in hees demolitions...
    > Send him to Gitmo! He's gone blow up all the beaver dams!

    What about Poland?
  • This story is so fake
    > I'm just glad we're finally seeing the real photo from so-called "Reuters."

    these cameramen/terrorists must be stopped.

    good for the Israelis.
    > The Isaelis have every right to defend themselves..

    ...Against bad media coverage.
    > See I's always been scairt of that Lieberman. Now I know why. He's friends of Godzilla yawl.
    > Reuters?!

    Sounds like some kinda TERRORIST name...
  • Islamofascist Trivializes Terrorism
    > Aha - penis pumps! This could hold the solution for all the Islamists with wimpy wieners who have been attempting to prove their manhood by snuffing innocent infidels.
    > You can tell the guy is a terrist just by his name, yawl. And see how them activist judges like that one what got busted for pumpin his own weener on the bench influenses young folks like this here young terrist?

    Oh the shame of it all, yawl.
    > Is that the pump? I'm not one to boast, but isnt it a bit..well...small?

    They do them in bigger sizes. Right?
    > Ja, they come in much bigger sizes. This must the size Sporty uses be!
    > Wait a minute.

    Is my penis supposed to be shaped like a grenade?
    > Eet makes zense dat Fawn vould jump on der penis pump, jah?
  • Irrational Moonbat Tree-huggers Sue to Stop Alternative Energy Source
    > You sure is right, Sporty. Agin, the moonbat libruals is messin up everthang.

    How are we suppoed to power up our Hummers if'n there ain't no oil. Yup, you's right. WE gotta go attack Iran and get theirn.
  • Breaking: Giant Islamofascist Monster Attacks Prague!
    > Geeze - I step out to attend a couple of fundraisers and everything goes straight to hell Jerry!
    > I hope that thang ain't headed over hear. I'll whack it with a giant sized flyswatter yawl. And I'd also knock them dirty librual hippies offfa them stilts things whiles I'm at it. See how moonbat greasy haird hipipes is ruining the world? Now there escorting giant bugs into cities to beat up good conservatives and probly sting them too?

    Man. I'd sure like to bust me up a hippy about now. Maybe I'll just go kick a homeless instead.
  • Islamofascist FDA approves abortion pill
    > Richie,

    You got it exactly right! Prevention of the formation of innoncent life is exactly the same as the taking of innocent life.

    And I agree with your sexual philosophy, also. I myself have only had sex never since I'm not ready to procreate. But I've said too much.
    > All open-minded people support a women's right to choose abortion.

    The more abortions the better because this will give scientists an abundance of fetal tissue with which to conduct valuable, government-funded scientific research. It's only a matter of time before we cure Christopher Reeve's spinal injury using fetal stem cells. So women who have abortions are actually enriching everyone's lives in a myriad of ways.

    Currently womens' privacy rights are being trampled because U.S. laws only permit abortion of viable fetuses through the third trimester.

    However, a woman should be able to choose abortion for any fetus who is still living at home, raiding the fridge and refusing to get a job. I say it is only fair that if a woman brings a fetus into the world, it is within her rights to take it back out again.

    But let's be realistic shall we? A women does not have the right to abort a fetus after it moves away and goes to college or rents its own apartment and moves out. C'mon that would be inhuman.
    > So any heathen slut of a woman kin walk up to a counter and order a abortion?

    Freedom Fan's right. My sister Jenny Lee sure wants to abort her nasty 13-year old son. He ain't no good yawl.
  • Breaking: LGF Causes France to Send More Troops to Lebanon!
    > Spory,

    Can you stop global warming too? Or would it be too liberal-moonbat of a job?
    > The globe is not warming and skylab is not falling, get ahold of yourself imad.
    > global warming...

    teh funny.

    it's all part of Our Leader's Global War on Liberal Comfort.

    our battle cry: "Oranges In Alaska, Bitches!"

    I mean, you can't stop/hinder/fine/repair/etc. business in any way. what are you, some kind of defeatocrat, henny penny, sky is falling pinko?
    > Way to go, Sporty. Can you get the Netherlands to send me some weed?
  • Hitler's Cross is No More
    > Once again, the PC whackoes have shut down another upstanding entrepreneur.
    > Wow that's is a shame!

    Anyway, I hope they will continue to serve the Warsaw Ghetto Finger Sandwiches, Pogrom Potato Skin appetizers, and Circumsized Frank Furters.

    Makes me hungry just to think about it.
    > That poor man got all bullied outa his restaurant theme? What's happened to free speech yawl?
    > What a shame actually that the owner was coerced to change the name. This is why.
  • Stupid Dutchers Let Terrorists Go Free!
    > I'm a longtime reader of the Heretik and the General. I'm surprised it took me this long to find you (so, um, thanks for visiting realitique). Great blog. It's up there with Spittle 'n Ink (a routinely, unjustly overlooked blog).
    > Why's there a chipm commentin on this hear blog?

    Aint' the dutch too building dikes and dancing in wooden shoes to bust terrists? I ain't suprised they let them terrists go. Ain't they the ones who are all high on mary jane all the time 'cause it's legal?
    > We're all high on Betty Jo here.
  • Case closed, we win!
    > Bomb Iran! Yay!
    > I'm in!
    Before we get too far in, who are we going to use for troops on this field trip? Seems we have about recycled our soldiers to death. Oh wait, I have an idea. Let's call all the people in the government and send them. I know somebody who just loves to wear his flight suit. He would jump at a chance to defend his country.
    > Patricia, we don't need your "snark" here. You know as well as I do that the people in the government are rich and important.

    We only recruit the poor and unimportant for our death matches.
    > Fighting the jihadists from the computer in my mom's basement has been hard work. I'm going to take some R & R before I get back to another tour.
    > We gotta invade Iran so's we can get enough gas for our hummers and motor homes yawl. Plus Iran thinks it's hot stuff right now, and that just makes me wanna bust someone upside the haid.
    > Wood or Vinyl Siding for Your Home..Great new Web Site on vinyl siding colors If you are looking for vinyl siding colors We can help....... Visit ud today at http://allhousesiding.com/home.pl?ceda=seamless&stucco=off
  • Our President Slaps Down an Insane Moonbat Lib 'Journalist'
    > I hate suiciders who kill innocent life.

    And, I hate to imagine a world where Saddam Hussein might one day think about considering restarting the process of beginning the planning of contemplating the design or construction of nuclear weapons related programs or scenarios.

    I shudder just thinking about it.
    > Saddam and Zarqawi, as our dear President pointed out, were best buddies. There is even a proof of their friendship.
    > Richie,

    The suiciders are getting abortions?! They are even more evil than I thought!!
    > Sporty, if they're getting abortions, we should kill them. They're not innocent life.
    > Mr. Sporty,

    That is some impressive presidenting! You can hardly tell that he is repeating what he in the earpiece hears.
    > If they aren't Murkans then they aren't innocent. If God didn't make them Murkans then they are against us.
    > I love it when God tells the President to get all tough. It's like Jesus in the Temple, when he hadda bust up all them greedy Jews.

    I sure love our President!
  • Why do these Marines hate the troops?
    > Apparently the Marines don't understand the "Deciders" vision of the world or they would never have left the corp. Why do they put Marines on ships? So the sailors have someone to dance with.
    (I was Army)
    > Yeah, what left of center said. Those Marine "dress" uniforms are just a little too fey.
    > So much for Semper Fidelius...
    > Why do sailors use liquid soap?

    It's harder to pick up in the shower.


    (Not the gay ones.)
  • You Owe Us, France!
    > Could they send those Foreign Legion guys I see in old movies? They aren't French, are real tough, and have cool tattoos.
    > They could but they won't, those treacherous frogs! They being coy or cautious or something...

    And those cute Legionnaires have kepis, too!
  • First Raccoons, Now Bees!
    > Africanized bees, no doubt. Damn Muslim suicider bees.
    > Could Ray-gun International bee next?
    > Dem Islamofascisthippienazismcommiepinkoliberal terroriztz are zo zmart, de hire de beez. Den de trainz dem in der Afrika, und zmugglez dem in der Zud Amerika. Den dey tellz zem beez to zneekz up nord to der United Ztatez, und vait fer dem beez to zneek in. I meenz mitt der Mexican bees zneeking accrozz der border vho vill notice und few of der Afrikan Beez zneeking in?
    > Rhesus,

    You are absolutely correct! Let's bomb Iran!
    > glad to be of service to the Glorious CCCR. we must be on Code Magenta Alert for these devious Islamohippiefascist bees.

    Africanized? another lefty plot I think. don't let the pinkos make hating brown people wrong again.

    ...loyal fister...

    of course, it isn't Ann Coulter style fisting, it's heterosexual Patriotic fisting for Jesus.
  • First Immigrant Rights Supporters, Then Patriotic Americans!
    > This is just disgusting!! How can brown people be allowed to riot like this when this glorious country is at war with other brown people!! And in New Jersey, one of God's favorite states!! Those vicious, brutish, heathenish not-Americans!!
    > Some in the crowd were intoxicated...while others thrust their right arms up to resemble a Nazi salute.

    I haven't read the last five Sherlok Holmes short stories, hence rendering me unable to make such conclusions, but is it possible that those people were coming straight out of that Hitler's Cross restaurant?
    > Imad,

    There's a direct flight from Mumbai, India to Riverside, NJ, USA?! Wow!
  • "Iran wants to talk but keep nuke program"
    > why has the bombing not started yet? have the unhinged moonbat terrorist defeatocrat brigades won?

    negotiations...sounds mighty french to me.

    let's take talking right off the table.
  • First Squirrels, Now Raccoons!
    > 'Coon dog!
  • First Islamofascists Bombs, Then Germanofascists Restaurants!
    > The slogan is good. It of Hitler reminds me.
    > The restaurant is run by an Indian in India. Hitler is popular because in India because he disliked britain and a vegetarian. So what has this to do with Germany?
    > Njus,

    Fascism, silly!
  • President Bush reaches out to young people
    > And he farts and makes fart jokes!! Man, what a hipster!!!
    > What is with the President the matter? And why is the background all moving around like that?
    > YOu mean this, K. Ron?

    He loves to cuss, gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him, and now we're learning that the first frat boy loves flatulence jokes. A top insider let that slip when explaining why President Bush is paranoid around women, always worried about his behavior. But he's still a funny, earthy guy who, for example, can't get enough of fart jokes. He's also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when greeting new young aides, but forget about getting people to gas about that.

    But that is from the notorious lieberal US News & World Report, Ron. What are you, some kind of moonbat lib yourself, Ron?!
    > Dubya rawhaawks, dude.
  • A New Townhall Blog!
    > That place freaking rocks!
    > We can only hope Medved doesn't catch them ...
    > too late...
    > Kudos. You lib intellectuals devastated the stoopid neocons with your collective incisive wit.
    > But, those people seem so dumb when their posts are shortened. How can that be?
    > K-Ron, it's a shame that people will continue to read these shortened versions. What a loss for the English language.
    > Stossel was right on about those clowns in Congress. Those stupid clowns.
    > Mr. Fan,

    You once again the point miss. We trusty non-intellectuals are pointing out fundamental truths to our friends on the internets.

    I am an old man and know this. Why do you not?
  • Breaking: They Enlist So We Don' t Have To
    > listen, this is a bit off topic, but within the greater War on Islamohippiemexihomofascism (much like Iraq is the same as Al Qaeda), and as each front is equally important, I must report this terrorist hijacking attempt by rabid bees.

    I think it's safe to say that the "Blanket of Bees" technique will become very popular with the America haters out there.

    frankly, I've got my eye on the rose bushes outside right now...
    > Cannon fod ... I mean, brave brave Americans!
    > Reichminister Karl, I humvley zubmit an idea I have been vorking on...if you could get der prezident to raize der age high enough....it could solve der zocial zecurity and medicare zolvency problems und give uz many more troopz fer der var on der terra

    Und think of der fearz in der Izlamohippiemexihomofazcismcommielibers eyez if dey saw many old ladies comink to beat dem mitt der canez...
    > Hmmm ... I see - we could raise the age high enough to solve a lot of unfunded pension problems as well. I'll Elliot Abrams right on it!
    > Don't ask, don't tell, Sporty!
    > How old is Janeane Garofolo? Any chance we could draft her?
    > We had many fine soldiers just like this ones in our army. They would do just as they were told.

    Ach, what a fine time!
    > Chris,

    I keep telling you, I'm not into fisting! And they illustrate the killer bees article with a photo of a non-bee! What kind of website is that?!

    Nevertheless, it is important to the security of our great nation that people know about these Islamonazifascist animal attacks, and I guess that qualifies...
  • Randy Newman Sums It Up
  • Those Lying Media Moonbats!
    > Hey, don´t forget that it was hisbollah who disagreed with israel!!!
    > hissballlaheh just wanted to borrow a cup of jihad from the non-overreacting patriots in Israel.

    Israel happened to be out of jihad and offered them some bombs instead.

    perfectly neighborly, if you ask me.
    > War? It was a skirmish in which the Israelis were victorious. They won! No ... seriously!
    > It vasn't a var und der Izraelis von...It vasn't a var und der Izraelis von...It vasn't a var und der Izraelis von...I think I can vremember dat.
  • We're on Notice? Why? Why God Why?
    > Richie,

    I keep telling you that I am NOT gay!
    > We should exterminate browm people and deport the gays.
    > Especially der gay brown people!
    > Richie, I think you have to do better! Stephen Colbert is never wrong. Why, he's so smart I want to bear ALL HIS CHILDREN. (and thanks for visiting me, I'm so new to the internets it makes my forehead wrinkle.)
    > Ve did not zupport der izraeliz enough...it took dem 33 dayz to defeat der Izlamohippiemexihomofazcismcommielibers terroriztz ...if ve hadz zupported der Izraeliz better, dey vould have von in 3 dayz...Colbert iz correct.
    > I have heeded the call, my brothers (and sisters (and gay brother)). Yesterday, I whittled a queer-beatin' stick and a brown-person-beatin' stick.
  • Breaking: Regime Change in Namibia Causes Huge Explosion!
    > Mmmmmm, explodink jelly....
    > typical "scienticians" with their liberal reality-based bias.

    obviously the stronger, more patriotic jellyfish decided to wage a Legal War on TerrorFishes, for their own safety.

    overfishing. can you really fish too much? or hunt?

    I know where I'll be when "Uncle Sam" calls: eating TerrorFishes and waving my flag.
    > You understand that the fish had WMD - they also needed democracy. I mean, swimming around in groups? We need more rugged individualist fish.
    > Und der fizhez are alvays in der vay vhen ve vant to drill fer oilz, oder buildz a nuclear power plantz. Why can't dey stay in der partz of der ocean ve do not needz?
  • Friday Rottweiler Bloggink
  • Terrorists hijack comets!
    > Judge Biggs - a Carter appointee. We figured they'd all died off, but no!
    > Ve should bomb Iran, yust to be on der shafe side.
    > Cover your asteroids!
    > RMK: there are still some Nixon appointments out there who are a bit too pinko for me.

    Don't we have cancer causing agents for situations like this?
    > First the terrorists try to blow up the moon, now this? I'm sleeping in the panic room tonight!
  • Vy Does Zey Hate Christians Zo????
    > Well, sir, your little soldier has the right approach. If the Commie Germans had any sense, they would make those demon-infested neighbors join right in with the family's prayer sessions.
    > Jah, Lorri....errrrr, SexSexSex! Dey zhould hold ein tent revival und raise tent poles everyvare!
    > Obviously, they weren't singing loudly enough nor praying hard enough because they couldn't even convert their heathen neighbors. Shame on them.
  • Eggcessif Efferhmatiff Ection
    > How will we remember them all? I remember Very Many Elephants Making Jumpy Strange Nutty Peanuts. If they increase the number of Planets, what will I do?

    And one of the new planets, UB-40 or something, is named after a rock band, isn't it?
    > They should just give them numbers. Nobody ever remembers their names but maybe sillier names would help.

    Uranus for instance, is the butt of a lot of jokes, including this one.
    > Mein fraulein Hesserton...mein t'inking you meesed ein planert in your mne...menm...zing you remember der plenets by. How deed eet slip past Uranus?
    > I use: "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pies". No need for Elephants!

    Nor anusus!
    > You keepin' der anuses for zomething zhpecial, Shporty?
    > The yet-unnamed one has been proposed to be named 'Xena' and that's not all; one of its satellites is to be called Gabrielle.

    Why can't we call the planet Bush, in honour of the greatest President ever, and satellite Karl? (Or the other way around)
    > Dis Gabrielle, Imad, ees eet going to intercourse mit der planet Xena?

    Mein mean, intersext?
    > Oh, Carl, you're so smart, it's SCARY. I want to bear ALL your children! Of course, I forgot that part of the body I just can't talk about.
    > Mein fraulein....zu hast me at a zlight deesadvantage...ein old var vound...but mein vould be villink to try!
  • Most brilliant site evar!
    > Fatima got to go to Rome?!
    > Our lady uff Fatima zhould haff been at Ground Zero! Vy does our lady HATE Amerikkka?????
    > Um, I'm a famous star, and I know that Fatima was not in War of the Worlds, with Mr. Tom Cruise. Even I wasn't in that movie, and I'm more famous than she is. So I know that photo is fake.
    > Mizz Hezzerton,

    Zu art too booteeful to haff been in any feelm mit Cruise, because hee hast ein clausen about beink der prettiest actress een hees feelms...
  • Breaking: Oily Rags of Terror Terrorize Port of Seattle!
    > Deed der Hulk exshplode from der container????
    > Zey arrze shippink vags fer vrecyclink?

    dat ist a commiepinkofascist idea und moost be ztopped rightz now, odervise dey vill think vrecyclink is gut fer alles...und den der terroriztz vill vin...

    Und der vrags can be homez fer der vats, vich vork fer der cetz, vich hatez alles dat ist guud. Der vegz ist der firzt zsept to der terroriztz mazterplanz
    > Good point, Ziegfried...

    I think...
    > Shporty,

    Plis forgiff Ziggy. Zometimes he shannels Marlene Dietrich. Eet passes...
    > Ya Calzrlz itz pazzez und den Ich pazzez ouut
  • Sen. Santorum loves a good Rachel Corrie pancake joke
    > Who let this guy in here?
    > RMK! The General is one of our greatest patriots! How dare you besmirch him?

    I call on you to unbesmirch!
    > Ein guest post by der General????

    *bowing und schraping in mein naked Shpartan wrestling gear*

    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > Do I really need to point out that The General leads our masthead, just as he leads our Glorious movement?!
    > Interestingly, the townhall.com article didn't have the balls to directly link to those fakers. Clicking on their name would lead to the homepage of townhall.com
    > Mein general hast many movements!
    > None of you understand ... The General is scoring! Why won't any of you delete this post??!! Don't we have standards? Talking points to guide us?
    > Karl,

    You want me to delete your post? Which one? The first one or the last one?
    > Ah, mein zees Karl's point!

    Der General's blog ist zuffering from der general loony moonbet attecks on der righteous blogs of der Blogosphere, und zo he hast to link to os to get heets!
  • How Deed Mein Mees Dis???
    > "If it's a space launch, we can't afford to relax."

    I'd say, even if its just a ballistic missile, we still can't afford to relax.
    > Carlz mein fruend, ze idea iz bzrilleence, und der zchildrenz cuuldz throv vroockz at der enemy zatilitez, und pzractice der bazeball at der zame time...
    > Ah, the space program.

    The greatest Nazi technology America ever stole.

    Is there oil in space?
    > Herr McVite,

    Auf course dere's oil in der shpace! Ve planted zome up zere beck in '45...eet ought to have shprouted by now!
    > You can have more than a grant ... I'm thinking of funneling the money through KBR. Let me make a few calls ...
    > Karl,

    I want to be a Junior Birdman too! What about my grant?!
    > Shporty, Mein veel wrassle you for eet!
    > Hi, everyone. I really like this site! Only one problem, I can't understand what you guys are saying when you make posts in "germanspeak." I like to read quickly when visiting blogs, and you make it so I have to stop and figure out what each word is before moving to the next one. I'm sure it was funny the first or second time, but using it for every post is downright annoying. Can you go back to speaking regular English? I came here via Jesus General's blog...
    > Vot, um, Cherman?

    Mein ist shpeaking Anglish! Chust because mein Anglish eesn't as gut as yours, at LEAST mein signs mein name to mein posts!

    Vy do you hate eemigrants zo????
    > Carl,

    Anonymous has a point. I'll give you English lessons after our Spartan wrestling match this Friday.

    O.K.? O.K.!
    > Shporty,

    Zu promeesed to give me der Greek after our wrestling....
    > I didnt find thing that i need... :-(
    > Buy soma online

  • The Game is Rigged Against Us. We Are Doomed. Surrender to the Bush Now!
    > Just like the Vice President said ... if there's a one percent chance Iran will hit us, we have to hit them first!
    > Dis country ist not safe!

    Dis country is too safe!

    Dis country is yuuuuuuuust safe enough!

    Und Goldilocks zet down roots and birsed many Aryan bebes....
    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > Zee game cannoot be zvrigged, coose Reichminister Karl ist in charzed und her izt very fair to alles american good peeeoplez,, vo arze alles dat count...
    > Good to see your President recycling old IRA talking points:

  • Vot Dost Dees Tell You???
    > This means we can replace Stevens with Doc, Souter with Dopey, and Breyer with Grumpy. I'll get right on it!
    > Don't foget...ve need two more dwarves for der court...try Sleazy and Skanky...mein hear dey aren't too busy now...
    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > Vell zince der only seben dwarzlz..den ve getz to bootz two democnazidwarvez uff der courtz...und dem der dopey vill be ze only demonazidwarvez ..der.
  • A New Horror Unfolds!
    > Well, is this part of the lead up to the Rapture. Does it mention the fall of walmart in the bible?
    > Mein told zem dey zhould haff shtayed, but did zey leesten? NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!
    > Carl! You have a lot of 'splainin to do!
    > Der Valmarzt vantz to lieb Deucheland, und ztay in der Cheena? zey nicth hab goodz zence to meez...
    > But, but, but, Reichsministair! Mein had nossing to do wiss zees! Mein tried to keep zem zere!
  • Der Lifeshaving Hooter
    > Woohoo! fake boobs.

    Is there anything they cant do?
    > This event is clear evidence that all women who do not have them already be required to get fake boobs.
    > Maybe we can get rid of the body armor and save money ... hmmm.
    > Does anyone know where to buy Titty Tree seeds?

    My Beaver Tree is growing nicely.
    > Ze faun haz und ztrzange zexual vebzitez herr vizitz
    > Zeely Fawnboy...teets don't grow on trees!

    Nein, dey are magically grown in der garden of Victoria! Dey are her leetle shecret!
  • Israelis Rescue Pets; Terrorists Train Theirs to Attack!
    > Dose sqvirrels are vorking very clozely mit der kets!
    > Carl, is English in your top ten languages?

    Can you maybe post in esperanto?
    > Carl ze ure und to zomezink der..as der ketz do getz udder petz to do zer vork fer dem...und der zqurrielz arez vatz mitt und buzhy tailz, vatz ind der dezquize. vhat und brizzilantz planz fer zneekink in ze coountre, az und zqurrielz...und der leberaliz are alvayz feedink der zquierrlz zey are partz of der Islamocommiepinkofascisthomopeta planz to deztroyz de coountriez und turnz it uber to der terroriztz ketz

    Onlyz der Izvraileez canz zee diz, und are feedink der dogz to defeatz der ketz...ve muzt zent dogz foodz to der Izvraileez, der mizzion dependz und itz.
    > Richie,

    I think Ziegfreid is posting in Esperanto!
    > It is most suspicious that the terrorist are taking the pets to a pig farm.

    What Islamonazi eats pork? None!

    We have the code broken!
    > Herr McVite,

    Eet's zrue dat mein English are not zo gut. Mein apologizes profoosely for offending your zenzibilities, but once der Fuhr...mein mean, mein gut freund, taken ze over, you veel learn Cherman, jah? Den ve cun talk all day togesser.
    > Carl,

    Ich spreche (und schreibe) Deutsche!
  • Bush Confirms It - Israel Won!
    > Now that it's all over, we can finally see those univerally loved Israeli soldiers reunited with their families They were savagely taken away by the terrorists and ignited this conflict.

    But wait.. how come no one is talking about them? Does omniscient Reichminister Karl know anything about their location?
    > Of course, Israel won. It was the only possible outcome.

    That's like saying, "Mission Accomplished" when talking about the Iraq War!

    No shit! We wrote the script, and there was only one ending. DUH!
    > Izvrael alvayz vinz, eben vhen it dooez notz lookz likez itz, zey ztill vinz. Obviouzly dey von dez time zey droppedz more boombz den der terroriztz in lebanonz fired rooketz into Izvrael, Izvrael hadz more pointz den. Und Izvrael hadz der flagz of der terroriztz. zat iz der endz der flag iz alles neber letz der IslamocommienazihippiepinkoFawns lookz oder touched der flagz...ve needz to protected ze flaggz ober alles.
  • Ein New Terrorismist Sreat!
    > Thank you, Carl, for alerting us to this newest terrorist threat to our way of life! Since my panic room has been such a lifesaver for me, I'm working on an new idea to stay secure throughout the day as I go to and from games.

    I'll announce my creation when it is done, but it certainly would protect against rabid squirrels!
    > Are you zhure, Shporty? Dey are zo hopped up in der drugs, dey can gnaw tru shteel! Mein knows, because Meecelle Malkin zays zo!
    > Guys, those are New York City fucking squirrels - they'll knock you down and take your dirty-water dog (especially if it's Halal).
    > Nein Reichminister! Der zhipmonks vell safe us!
    > I just hope these Islamo-squirrels haven't gotten to Freedom Fan.

    Also, does his name mean he's French?

    Is that enough to ban him?
    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > Herr faun ist not und der french herr is from der ztate of Kalifornication und lookz likez und oldz hippie, und herr is smokink zomezink
    > award winning post. thanks so much, now I have to wipe the coffee off my screen. that little ninja chipmonk, the icing on the cake.
  • The Single Root of the Mideast Wars
    > I just think it's awful the way the blood-thirsty Israelis intentionally target peace-loving Palestinians for no reason other than pure spite.

    First the Israelis pull all their settlers out of Gaza, but this is merely a trick. Later they go back without provocation, and purposely kill innocent Palestinian fun-lovers roasting marshmallows and wienies on the beach. Fortunately, the Pallywood film crews were on hand to quickly capture this outrage for the entire world to witness.

    The gentle Palestinian Muslims just want to live in peace with their Jewish brothers. Stop the madness! Let the Palestinians have their homeland and all the terror around the world will immediately cease.

    Also George Bush is a nazi for cutting off billions of funding from Palestine just because they elected that humanitarian organization, hamas, to run the country. So everyone be sure to vote for hillary for President.
    > Freedom Fan said...
    I just think it's awful the way the blood-thirsty Israelis intentionally target peace-loving Palestinians for no reason other than pure spite.

    Ve shupport der Israelis, you Islamocommiemoonbatnutcasemoran!
    > FF,

    We have tried to coax your head-case moonbat craziness back to some semblence of sanity, but it just isn't working, is it?

    You have no idea how annoying it is to research a late-breaking, über-patriotic journalisticish article like this and then have you spoil it with your deranged moonbat lunatic ramblings in the comments!

    You would be wise to heed Carl's words: Ve shupport der Israelis, you Islamocommiemoonbatnutcasemoran!
    > Emfascist on der "moran"...
    > Ze fawn ist off hez medz, und is ein bissen hohlköpfig, entschuldigen herr bitte.
    > Ziegfried,

    You, a good green fascist, are asking for forgiveness for someone?! How consistent is that?!?!
    > Freedom Fan ... what kind of Islamofascist troll name is that anyhow?
    > Jah, ve are not fans of freedom! Ve vant to take freedom und shtick eet een ein leetle box und safe it for der fuzhure!
    > Karl,

    Freedom Fan blows. Or maybe sucks. Or both.
    > I wish I could quit you, Greek sport lover.
    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > Schporzty, mein muther zaid I neezed und goodz deed tozay. Zo I azked fur furgibnezz fer der faun in hopez zat reichminister karl mightz zend to hab heez mind kleenz und dried outz
    > Fan,

    I keep telling you - I am NOT gay!
  • The General And The Protester
    > I think we can get him a fellowship at Heritage ...
    > Mein vants to know vy he ist being harassed??? Vy do der moonbats like Freedom Fawn 'ate Amerikkka zo?
    > Karl,

    Could you get me a fellowship at Heritage?

    If not, is it because of the incident with the whipped cream?
    > Zat mench is just rightz fer imbedding mit der marines, und he canz take heez zignz mit himz. Herr vould makez und goodz Faux newz reporter, und der marines vould love heez company...
  • Terrorist 6-Month-Old Arrested
    > Karl,

    I believe you are serious. After all, almost all of those arrested last week had their passports, although they were procrastinating just a little bit on getting their airline tickets... But you and I both know they were a serious threat!

    And you know better than anyone that our George is a man of action, so he sprung the trap! He's the decider, all right.

    And did you know he recently cut $6 million out of the Fed budget for R&D of liquid explosive detection? He knew it wasn't needed, so out of the budget it came... along with the other $200 million which was never distributed over the past 5 years, so went back into the general fund!

    Yep, George knows it's serious and so do I!
    > Mein ist not sheeing no terrorismists breastses...can zu zhow me zome?
    > 3 million photos of breasts on the internet and Carl has to have someone show him some.
    > Mein ist Internet-shallenged...allus mein knows how to do is open up Little Grin Fascists...der nurses von't let me find der breastsesses...dey say eet gets me too vorked op
    > Carl vaits fer heez national Geoographiz gaga-zine ebery moonth, und iz zad if der hab no zoriez about der Afrika vomen...
    > *zob* Mein shecret ist out!
    > There are 6 million boobs on the internet? Is this a Hannitized fact or is this MSM propaganda?
    > Eef zu count Hugh Hewitt, den yes...
  • Balloon of Terror
    > I am not a number! I am a free man!
    > But....but....Danmarks ist beink boycotted by Choos AND Ragheads! How are ve shupposed to know vich vay to schving on zees??????
    > Carl,

    Think, man! They have the Balloon of Terror and are Islamofascisms lovers! They must be destroyed!

    > But....but...but der Juden hates dem too!

    Mein brain hurts!
    > Just follow my lead and stop thinking, Carl. The pain will subside.
    > Dose balloons look like breastsesses....
    > Good afternoon many have machines which not insuranced,
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    > Hi people
    I do not know what to give for Christmas of the to friends, advise something ....
    > Hello. Good day
    Who listens to what music?
    I Love songs Justin Timberlake and Paris Hilton
    > Mmm my sweety private weblink collection. I hope you enjoy it !
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    About Christmas
    merry christmas
    > Hello. Prompt how to get acquainted with the girl it to me to like. But does not know about it
    I have read through one history
    Each of you has your personal story; it is your history. Keeping a diary or writing your feelings in a special notebook is a wonderful way to learn how to think and write about who you are -- to develop your own identity and voice.

    People of all ages are able to do this. Your own history is special because of your circumstances: your cultural, racial, religious or ethnic background. Your story is also part of human history, a part of the story of the dignity and worth of all human beings. By putting opinions and thoughts into words, you, too, can give voice to your inner self and strivings.

    A long entry by Anne Frank on April 5, 1944, written after more than a year and a half of hiding from the Nazis, describes the range of emotions 14-year-old Anne is experiencing:

    ". . . but the moment I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes out. I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers, very fervently. Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, all huddled up on the bare floor. A loud sob brought me back down to earth, and I choked back my tears, since I didn't want anyone next door to hear me . . .

    "And now it's really over. I finally realized that I must do my school work to keep from being ignorant, to get on in life, to become a journalist, because that's what I want! I know I can write. A few of my stories are good, my descriptions of the Secret Annex are humorous, much of my diary is vivid and alive, but . . . it remains to be seen whether I really have talent . . .

    "When I write I can shake off all my cares. My sorrow disappears, my spirits are revived! But, and that's a big question, will I ever be able to write something great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, because writing allows me to record everything, all my thoughts, ideals and fantasies.

    "I haven't worked on Cady's Life for ages. In my mind I've worked out exactly what happens next, but the story doesn't seem to be coming along very well. I might never finish it, and it'll wind up in the wastepaper basket or the stove. That's a horrible thought, but then I say to myself, "At the age of 14 and with so little experience, you can't write about philosophy.' So onward and upward, with renewed spirits. It'll all work out, because I'm determined to write! Yours, Anne M. Frank

    For those of you interested in reading some of Anne Frank's first stories and essays, including a version of Cady's Life, see Tales From the Secret Annex (Doubleday, 1996). Next: Reviewing and revising your writing
  • Our Way of Life Under Attack!
    > Und zees ees not at all like ven dey let Jim Bakker oud of prison to shelebrate Christmas!
  • Breaking: 79 Percent of Democrats Hate America
    > every democrat i know hates america, so thats probably pretty accurate. nice post.
    > if you don't hate America, you're a Republican.

    what's the problem?
    > Ziz puul ist more proofz zat der MSM ist inz der demozcratz pozketz...alles demozcrats hatez America, undz der MSM under reportz alles demozcrats baddez nevz.
    > Let's bomb Connecticutt!
    > Bomb bomb bomb! Bomb Connect'cut!

    Bomb bomb bomb! Bomb Connect'cut!

    Let's bomb Connectict!

    Bomb Connecticut!

    Let's bomb Connecticut...
    > I hears ya. How dare them vile people in Conneticut vote agin that nice man Leebermin what gave President Bush a big kiss and hug? Oviously, that guy is full of love. The love of God. Just like President Bush. Someone musta fixed that election yawl.
    > Liberals are sooooo stupid.

    Lieberman will be like Naaader now, and run Indepennndent. Now we nave a much chance of putting a Repuuublican in there.
    > Reichmaster Karl, you're so sincere it's SCARY. I want to bear your children. Ha, ha ha, ha ha.

    Love, Lola
    > How could Lieberman have been defeated? Aren't all the voting machines controlled by Diebold, which is in the pocket of the neocons?
    > Freedom Fan,

    That was just the problem. Connecticut mainly has lever machines and only a few optical scanner-type ballots.

    If only they had Diebold, we would all be sleeping more safely in our beds at night!
    > Jah, Shporty, en fact Connecticislamistcut vuz cited by der Help America Vote Ect for not haffing der Diebold come een und inshtall new machines.

    Und Freedom Fawn ist a Palestinian loving gay man.
    > Ze faun dooez lib in der Kalifonication ze home of ze liberal hippiez.....
    > "79 Percent of Democrats Hate America"? What a crock. I'm pretty sure it isn't much over 75.7%.
    > Keep up the good work
    » »
    > Where did you find it? Interesting read »
  • Breaking: Terrorists Now in Our Homes!
    > I need that terrorist in my house. Damn, I'd give up my freedoms for a bit o' tidy.
    > At least they're neat terrorists - they could have left water bottles and hair gel all over the place ...
    > there must've been good Christian Conservatives in my house the other day because the place was filthy with near beer bottles and littered with bibles, Pro-Life pamphlets and tiny American flags.

    I think the big screen was tuned to NASCAR.

    praise Rebpublican Jesus for this blessed mess!
    > Canz yuv ventz und terrorizt fer und couple dayz? Undz do dey dooze vindovz? Und ver canz yuv getz der reffernzez?
    > Beware. Terrorists are now hiring Mexican laborers. They'll take our great jobs and kill us!
    > The terrorist that cleaned my house was a democrat because when I got home the house was not clean, all my food was gone, and he and his friends were asleep in the living room. I told them to get a job and then they said not to worry, and paid me back with their welfare checks. It was a pleasant surprise.
    > Oncet a Taliban snuck into my trailer and Febreezed it yawl. I remember it like it was yestiday.

    But then again it mighta been a dream after I drank me some Sothern Comfert.

    Anyway Terrists like to do tricky things like that there folks, to make you think yawls is crazy. And it works. Just ask that poor Debbie woman.
    > I would have to assume that Debbie's never seen the movie 3-Iron.
    > Der rugs vuz moved?

    Must be der Muslims...
    > Vo doez I vrent und terrorizt fer und dayz or zo?
  • Breaking: TSA Announces New Threat
    > If I get stuck flying commercial, I bring Pampers.
    > maybe Dear Leader will instigate a program of Forced Colostomy Bagging before all flights.

    he could call it Freedom Bagging.

    I'm looking forward to being able to relax on a flight, finally.
    > "Look out! He's packin'."
    > I'm bringing my Depends, yawl. What the hell,I use 'em anyway on long road trips. Ain't not too much different. Yawn.
    > What color is that new threat? Yellow?
    > Urine der money?
    > What a great site »
  • HA! Ein Pozer!
    > Zeez iz proof zat der Islamofascisthomocommienazists hazt zleeper zellz fer vearz, und haz und mazter planz zat dey ver vorkink on eben before dey ver bornded, Mein Gott, zey völlig bezaubert von Zatan!!!!!!
    > Aww, give that Gunter Grasse a break. He wrote such a cute book with that lil' midget guy in it what banged a drum and screeched and refused to grow up, and that midget's poor mama was forced to eat eels and stuff.

    That man had to surely suffer to write some shit like that yawl. Just sayin'.
    > Betty Cho! Ven deed you learn to read???
    > best regards, nice info »
  • Mr. President, look out! There are Islamofascists behind you!
    > Hey finally, Dubya gets it. This is not a "War on Terror"; terror is a vicious, morally-bankrupt act which intentionally targets innocent civilians.

    This is a "War on Terrorists", 90+% of whom are Islamist.

    More specifically, this is a war to defend enlightened Western civilization from imperialistic, fundamentalist 7th century Islamic beliefs.

    While libs think Dubya is dumber than an ice cube, he's obviously way smarter than most of them, who remain mired in denial as they worship the godless religion of multiculturalism.

    /sorry about not having any goofy nazi accent; I'll try to do better next time.
    > Donz vorry, Der Prezident vill uze de samz diverzion tacticz, dat herr uzed, vhen hiz vife zought her vas milkzink und bull...herr iz zo zly, herr can eben foolz hiz vife likez dat.
    > Vy doesn't he haff der eyes in der beck of hist head? Karl?

    Herr McVite, dis ist ein fine article, exposing der Islamisismists as a punch of leetle poosies...but vy eesn't der Fawn among dem dere ragheads?
    > Der faun took hez vag uff fer his foto, zee how hiz hair iz matted ver ze vag vus
    > Fan,

    Do better next time... and not with an accent, but with actual statistics and actual logic.

    You may want to lay off the overgeneralizations about libs, also. Although all of them are deranged moonbats, they are crafty and evil enemies!

    O.K.? O.K.!
    > no, sporty, I think FF gets it totally: this isn't about facts and stats and logical analysis, this is about blindly following orders and doing what you're told.

    you know, adhering to a xenophobic, egocentric, culturally ignorant, self-important ideology handed down to us by our political and social betters.

    and it goes without saying the "Dubya" gets it:

    it's why he's the boss and you're not.

    some might mistake your kindness for, ahem, kindness, if you get my drift...
    > I'm so humbled that the Good Lord Hisself, has come to comment under the name of Freedom Fan. God looks just like I imagined! I think I'm gone pass out and for oncet it ain't from Southern Comfert
    > OMG it appears I have upset Chris who is now also upset with Sporty for letting me comment.

    Let me attempt to assist Chris with possible debate rebuttals:

    a) It's simply a fluke that almost all terrorists seem to be Muslim. Everyone knows we have far more to fear from the vicious Presbyterians and maniacal Amish.

    b) We in the West deserve to be snuffed because we are all just "Little Eichmanns" who were mean to the Muslims for not letting them wipe out Israel and build thermonuclear bombs.

    c) There is no terrorist threat; it's a lie as michael moore has demonstrated in his scholarly documentary films. The 24 British terrorists are all really U.S. CIA agents in Muslim drag who work for Carl Rove.

    d) Well we just need to elect hillary as president. Then there will be no more Muslim attacks, because the world will become a happy place and even the fwench will luv us. Besides, if there are more terror attacks, assuming we survive, we can still blame Bush.

    e) Well you are just a nazi and Bush is hitler. Christians are nazis. Nazis! Nazis! No blood for oil. War is never the answer. End war and racism! Halliburton! Diebold! Evil corporations! Greedy rich fat cats! Halliburton! Halliburton!

    f) I'm not really into debating. I'd rather construct pretend, straw-man Conservatives which exist only in my own imagination. That way I can pretend to win and pretend to be morally superior. Hey that's really the point of this whole blog, isn't it?

    g) Okay Conservatives are right, but if I admit it, then all my buddies might call me naughty names, I would lose membership in the moonbat club, and my lib girlfriend would cut me off. This is why no Conservative should ever be allowed into the echo chamber because then everyone would realize that lib ideas are unable to compete in a genuine marketplace of ideas. Sporty, please save us from this big bad scawwy Conservative who is really an employee working for the neocon Bush administration.
    > I'm not really into debating. I'd rather construct pretend, straw-man Conservatives which exist only in my own imagination. That way I can pretend to win and pretend to be morally superior. Hey that's really the point of this whole blog, isn't it?

    Are zu gay, Fawn?
    > No KKKarl, are you an angry pussy?
    > Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP »

Buy Ribbon Magnets! Whatever you do, don't sign up for the military yourself! That demoralizes the troops! Let them know you really care by covering your massive SUV in ribbon magnets! Plus, be sure to buy the ones that come from Communist China. Don't let the Leftist Unions win!

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We are conservative higher order apes from the Rand System. We are not nerdy at all.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Bombs away!

Iran has failed to stop enriching uranium despite a UN deadline calling for a halt to its nuclear programme, the UN nuclear agency says.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Stupid Islamofascist hippie

Well, that's that. Jesus is comin, y'all!

And Just Like That, Another Insane Moonbat Psycho Steps Up!

The wannabe Moonbat Kings are getting too numerous to count. First Keith Olberman quoted some dead 'journalist' in criticism of our Secretary of Defense in order to try and become the new leader of the deranged moonbat lunatic hordes. Then Salt Lake City mayor Rocky Anderson, quoted some dead president in criticism of President Bush so he could become the new king of the deranged moonbat lunatic hordes.

The American Legion Convention is bringing out all the wacko's!

Harry and Firefly of the American Legion Riders on the way to Salt Lake City.

The General Has Sounded the Clarion Call

Jesus' General, who heads our masthead and our movement has sounded an alarm that a new disturbed mooonbat lunatic is trying to appoint himself King of All Moonbats!

It seems this wannabe Moonbat King, Keith Olbermann, takes exception to Secretary Rumsfeld's equation of Islamofascism to Nazism. But since our President has confirmed the math behind Rumsfeld's assertions, he is just blowing hot air and quoting Edward R. Murrow.

Watch it and take action!

Do The Math: Nazis + Commies = Islamofascists!

SALT LAKE CITY - President Bush said Thursday the war against Islamic militants was like last century's fight against Nazis and communists and that a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq would lead to its conquest by America's worst enemies.

We've gotta get bombing Iran!!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Traitor Liberal Media News Terrorist infiltrates Fox News

NPR : Kidnapped News Reporter Details Gaza Captivity
Fox News reporter Steve Centanni, who along with freelance cameraman Olaf Wiig was kidnapped by masked gunmen in the Gaza Strip and held for two weeks, was released this past Sunday after long negotiations and a "conversion" to Islam at gunpoint.

I know if I had a gun to my head, I sure as hell wouldn't say no Assy Lommy Lakim and turn myself into a dirty Islamofascist. I'd weave a gun out of my pubic hair and shoot my way out of that prison!

Shame of you, Steve Centanni! Shame on you, Olaf Wiig. Enjoy your 72 virgins ... in HELL!

New film shows Al Franken wants to be Hitler!

Cinematic Happenings Under Development
(Ann) Coulter and (Al) Franken engaged in a public debate at The Connecticut Forum in 2004. In the scene (from the film, Al Franken: God Spoke) they briefly argue about the late Minnesota senator Paul Wellstone, then they're asked a question about which historical figure they would like to be. Coulter says FDR, so she could never introduce the New Deal. Al Franken quickly and easily decimates her with his answer - he'd be Hitler, so he could stop the Holocaust.

See that, folks? Al Franken admits that he would like to be Hitler. Ann Coulter wins again!

France Is Holding Out On Us!

So, France can only send 2000 troops to Lebanon as part of peace-keeping forces, but they can spare hundreds of additional soldiers to rebuild bridges in that very same country. What is the matter with them?

BEIRUT, Lebanon - Dozens of French soldiers arrived Sunday to help the Lebanese army rebuild bridges that were destroyed or damaged by Israeli airstrikes during the 34-day fighting between Israeli forces and Hezbollah guerrillas.

The soldiers, who are not part of the expanding U.N. peacekeeping force in Lebanon known as UNIFIL, will go first to Damour, a coastal town south of Beirut, before heading to other areas in southern Lebanon.

French military planes brought 120 soldiers Sunday and another 120 were due later in the day. They are expected to remain in Lebanon for at least six weeks, said Lt. Philip Toroller, an officer of the French military mission based at the French Embassy in Beirut.

"They are here to help the Lebanese army in constructing about 15 bridges across Lebanon," Toroller said.

Rumsfeld Gets It Exactly Correct!

Donald Rumsfeld gave a speech at the American Legion's national convention in which he outlined our program perfectly. Islamofascism is a terrifying mono-lithic force and we should all be scared witless, as is the good Secretary:

Rumsfeld alluded to critics of the Bush administration's war policies in terms associated with the failure to stop Nazism in the 1930s, "a time when a certain amount of cynicism and moral confusion set in among the Western democracies."

...Speaking to several thousand veterans at the American Legion's national convention, Rumsfeld said that as fascism and Nazism took hold in Europe, those who warned of a coming crisis were ridiculed or ignored. He quoted Winston Churchill as observing that trying to accommodate Hitler was "a bit like feeding a crocodile, hoping it would eat you last."

"I recount this history because once again we face similar challenges in efforts to confront the rising threat of a new type of fascism," he said.

"Can we truly afford to believe that somehow, some way, vicious extremists can be appeased?" he asked.

"Can we truly afford to return to the destructive view that America - not the enemy - is the real source of the world's troubles?"

..."But some seem not to have learned history's lessons," he said, adding that part of the problem is that the American news media have tended to emphasize the negative rather than the positive.

He said, for example, that more media attention was given to U.S. soldiers' abuse of Iraqi prisoners at Abu Ghraib than to the fact that Sgt. 1st Class Paul Ray Smith received the Medal of Honor.

There is so much wisdom in this exerpt that no analysis is necessary -- the sensibility and sanity just comes oozing out of every sentence. However, I especially liked the 'learning history's lessons' part.

I agree, Donald. We must learn from history and follow the way of Genghis Khan. Or we all shall perish! And those demented moonbat crazies who think the unified force of Islamofascism should be treated to pajama parties and snacks will be the first to meet our fury!

Fishlamist Terrorismists!!!!

Dis "French Angel" fish vuz photographed killing und eating ein perfectly good, red,vite, und blue American wahoo...dey are coming for us....eet's yust ein matter of time....

Mein ist beck from vacation, vere mein spent much time engaged in Fishlamist anti-terror surveillance.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Bush Comforts an Entire American City! (And Some Moonbats Had To Ruin It All)

Friends and relatives of people lost during last year's levee break gathered at the 17th Street Canal to toss a wreath into the water during a memorial for the first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans.

I'm truly impressed with our President. Today, he comforted an entire major American city with his presence. No, he wasn't at the event above, but it's the thought that counts!

President Bush comforted this city that lost so much in Hurricane Katrina and has regained so little in the year since. Amid the raw sorrow of Tuesday's anniversary, the president selected a few beacons of hope to give a lift to struggling Gulf communities and his own still-smarting presidency.

He scarfed hot cakes with happy patrons at Betsy's Pancake House, a reopened hangout in a downtrodden, flood-stained New Orleans neighborhood. He chose as a speech backdrop a new charter school viewed as a sign of the city's commitment to a better post-Katrina educational system.

He called on rhythm and blues legend and local favorite son Fats Domino, who is restoring his destroyed Ninth Ward home, and replaced the National Medal of Arts that got washed away with everything else. He visited a Habitat for Humanity project nearby that is building dozens of homes for displaced local musicians.

He even met the New Orleans Saints, whose return to the Superdome next month is cheered here as a symbol of normalcy in the very place that 30,000 storm victims grew increasingly desperate in the days after Katrina's strike.

You see? Everything is fine now. And yet, some deranged moonbat psychopaths had to ruin everything. New Orleans will never recover as long as these people are in it.

Jefferson Davis' House Still Not Repaired!

Beauvoir, the National Landmark home of Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederate States of America, suffered extensive water damage from Hurricane Katrina as well as loss of porches, outbuildings, and the marble entrance. According to the FEMA, Beauvoir is the oldest historically significant house on the Gulf coast. Biloxi, Miss...(Photo by George Armstrong courtesy FEMA)
Our national priorities are disturbed indeed when the home of one of our nation's greatest heroes remains unrepaired after a whole year!

Some People Just Can't Take a Hint!

Vashti McCollum, the 'freethinker' who fought a legal battle from 1945-1948 to keep religion out of the schools, died in Champaign, Illinois on Sunday.

Mrs. McCollum, who called herself an atheist in Illinois court proceedings but later preferred the word "humanist," said her son was ostracized and embarrassed by his schoolmates because she refused to let him attend the religion classes at his public school in Champaign. The classes for Protestants were on school premises; Jews and Roman Catholics went to religious buildings elsewhere.

She also contended that the classes were a misuse and waste of taxpayers' money, discriminated against minority faiths and were an unconstitutional merger of church and state.

After losing in two Illinois courts, Mrs. McCollum won an 8-to-1 decision by the Supreme Court. Justice Hugo L. Black, who wrote the majority opinion, said the practice in Champaign was "beyond all question" using tax-established and tax-supported schools "to aid religious groups to spread their faith," and, he added, "It falls squarely under the ban of the First Amendment."

So, while the rest of the world was celebrating the victory over... er... fascism... tyranny, this busybody hussy was cluttering up various courts with her whining. 'Waah! Waah! My son feels left out! Waah! Waah! This practice is discriminatory.'

And it didn't stop there!

In the three-year legal battle, Mrs. McCollum received physical threats and was fired from her job as a dance instructor at the university. At Halloween, a mob of trick-or-treaters pelted the McCollum family with rotten tomatoes and cabbages. The family cat was lynched.

So, loyal Christians in the area thoughtfully let Mrs. McCollum know she was going wrong, but did she get it? No. She must have been pretty dumb not to take the hint. Or maybe she didn't like cats very much. Either way, good riddance to this meddling fishwife who has created so many problems for good Christians everywhere.

UPDATE at 08/29/06 09:43:43 pm
h/t to The General!

UPDATE at 08/30/06 12:27:19 pm
Cross posted to I Miss Fafblog, Spot!

Crazy wingnut moonbat loon masquerades as HUD official

CNN.com - Oops: Impostor scams Louisiana officials - Aug 28, 2006
story.impostor.cnn.jpgA man who pulled a hoax on Louisiana officials and 1,000 contractors by presenting himself as a federal housing official said Monday he intended to focus attention on a lack of affordable housing.

"We basically go around impersonating bad institutes or institutes doing very bad things," said the man, who identified himself as Andy Bichlbaum, a 42-year-old former college teacher of video and media arts who lives in New York and Paris. "That would be HUD. At this moment, they're doing some really bad things."

Masquerading as Rene Oswin, an official at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, Bichlbaum followed Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco and New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin to the lectern Monday morning at the Pontchartrain Center in Kenner. In a speech to attendees of the Gulf Coast Reconstruction and Hurricane Preparedness Summit, he laid out grandiose plans for HUD to reverse course.

After the speaker read from a text he said had been prepared by his boss, HUD Secretary Alphonso Jackson, a HUD spokeswoman said the department knew nothing about the man. "Everything is going to change about the way we work, and the change is going to start here today in New Orleans," the man said during his speech.

What a nutjob. Of course this Administration isn't going to do anything to help the poor and the black in New Orleans. That's what bootstraps are for!


I mean, anyone who seriously thought that upright citizen HUD Secretary Alphonso Jackson would promise to keep housing open for the poorest of the poor must be utterly delusional. I mean, Jackson has already told Congress that "Poverty is just a state of mind," that New Orleans is going to be "a black city" and that the only people welcome in the city are "those who work." (Fuck you, totally disabled citizens! Get a job blowing shit through a straw! I'm sure there is a ton of work like that!)

I mean, the moobats in the audience who applauded this impostor's plans to rebuild New Orleans in a humane, caring and responsive way must have their heads up their asses. Fuck those poor people. We have to sink more money into our wars, or we are lost as a nation!

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Breaking: Frustrated Islamofascist Terrorist Commuter Blows up D.C. Bridge!

All we know at this point is that the perpetrator's name is Ruefly and he lives in Accokeek, Maryland. Sounds like an Islamonazifascisthippiecommiepinkoist to me.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Vicious Rap Star Sentenced in Unprovoked Assault Case

Another 'gangsta' pled guilty to a cruel and dreadful assault:

NEW YORK - Rapper Foxy Brown pleaded guilty on Monday to misdemeanor assault charges stemming from a fight with salon workers over a manicure. The plea deal, which spares her jail time, requires her to serve three years probation and take anger management classes, said Edison Alban, a spokesman for the Manhattan district attorney's office...
And make no mistake, the assault was vicious!

Prosecutors said the 26-year-old rapper, who once appeared in court wearing 4-inch hoop earrings and 3-inch stiletto heels, kicked one employee and smacked a second in the face on Aug. 29, 2004, in an argument over payment for a manicure at Bloomie Nails.

And they aren't even forcing this nefarious criminal to remove her tattoos or become more sensitive by attending a nail salon museum. Is it even possible to get justice in this country anymore?

Spaulding Scion Shows Us the Way!

Josiah Spaulding III, heir to the ultra-rich Spaulding family and skinhead upstanding young citizen, created a stir yesterday Saturday when he was sentenced for beating two black teenaged girls on their heads with a metal baton in 2002. He is going to be forced to remove his skinhead tattoos, to visit an African-American museum in Boston and do community service.

We think the sentence is harsh, considering he claimed the two teenagers were upset that he was yelling racial slurs at them, forcing him to chase after them and beat them into submission. Plus, there were three of them in the subway station that night, and he only beat two of them. And he also apologized to his victims those uppity kids, so what more do they want?

But the prosecuters were a little upset by his little vacation to Amsterdam for a year which they called 'flight'. On the other hand, the case has garnered some attention for our fine young lad and the sentence is getting attention for its 'creativity'.

Well played, Josiah! I guess it helps that your father is so well-connected. We should all be so wise in the choice of our parents.

Update at 08/29/06 8:29 am:

I added a photo of Mr. Spaulding III so you can see what a fine, upstanding young man he is.

Vy Der Leebrals Are Loosing!

Mein gut freund zent mein dis, about how der Republican party can take back der country!
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then - just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

Then I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking around here, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking ."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Next week it's "Career in Marketing." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me and I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes...and today I took the final step............ I did it...I joined the Republican Party.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Atlas Shrugs wants to cut and run

Atlas Shrugs: Painful Reality Check in Iraq
My PhotoEither let the US soldiers have it without these suicidal rules of engagement or get them out.

I never thought I'd see the day that someone so intelligent and hot (albeit in a Jewy way) would turn her back on the war on terror. Shame on you, Pamela Atlas. How dare you join the Jack Murtha and Chris Shays wingnut cut-and-runners. I'll never stare at your surgically altered boobs again.

Next thing you know, Pamela will convert to Islam, get gay married to Arianna Huffington, and start driving in a goddamned electric carpool with Al Gore, John Kerry, Howard Dean, and assorted other wingnut America haters.

I'm so mad I could spit!  On a terrorist!

Breaking: Patriots Celebrate Our Nation's Birthday

Batty Moonbat Bonkers Tree-Hugging Lib Threatens to Blow Up Major Dam!

This insane moonbat lib stood up in a public meeting and advocated for the blowing up of a major dam on the Mississippi River. Then, he said his suggestion had nothing to do with terrorism. As if that is true.

ST. LOUIS - Jim Bensman thought his suggestion during a public hearing was harmless enough: Instead of building a channel so migratory fish could go around a dam on the Mississippi River, just get rid of the dam.

Instead, the environmental activist found himself in hot water, drawing
FBI scrutiny to see whether he had any terrorist intentions.

The case "shows just how easy it is to be labeled a suspected terrorist," he says.

Of course the radical moonbat lib tree-hugging press was involved also.

During the 90-minute hearing that included on the agenda whether to build a fish channel, Bensman says, he reiterated he's no fan of dams, contending they're environmentally destructive and amount to billions of dollars in corporate welfare for boating interests.

He urged that the dam be torn out. He said he never mentioned blowing the dam up, though the corps' presentation of possible options included a picture of a dam being dynamited.

The next day, however, a local newspaper reported that Bensman "said he would like to see the dam blown up and resents paying taxes to fix dam problems when it is barge companies that profit from the dam."

Workers at the corps' St. Louis office "took a dim view (of the article) and questioned if it was a potential threat," and a security manager forwarded the clipping to the FBI, said corps spokesman Alan Dooley.

We need to ship this tree-hugger off to Gitmo before he blows anything up. Or debates anything further.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

This story is so fake

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Israeli rocket hits Reuters car
An Israeli air strike on a car in Gaza City during a security operation has injured a Reuters news agency cameraman and a local journalist. At least one rocket hit the car as the cameraman was filming, knocking him unconscious, while the second man received serious leg wounds. The Reuters car was clearly marked all over as a media vehicle.
Yeah, I won't believe it when I see it. Right, Michelle Malkin?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Stoopid Reuters.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Islamofascist Trivializes Terrorism

It may seem amusing, but this Islamofascist would rather be known as a bomber than a sexual deviant. His preference trivializes our War on Terror!
CHICAGO - Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey. So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin was stopped by officials on Aug. 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.

When officers asked him to identify it, Amin said it was a bomb, said Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto.

He later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said.

He's been charged with felony disorderly conduct, said Andrew Conklin, a spokesman with the Cook County state's attorney's office.

Amin faces up to three years in prison if convicted.
It should be 30 years for terrorizing not only his dear sweet sainted mother but also the TSA officials who had to confront the evidence of sexual perversion first hand.

Irrational Moonbat Tree-huggers Sue to Stop Alternative Energy Source

Calling themselves 'concerned parents', some rabidly radical moonbat group sued various soft drink manufacturers today. They said that the presence of Vitamin C and preservatives in sodas could lead to the formation of benzene if the soda was heated. But who heats soda?

The complaint against the soft drink giant came as two smaller companies settled a lawsuit over benzene, which is linked to leukemia.

"I think if they understand that consumers, and perhaps courts, expect them to eliminate this problem, they will," said Boston lawyer Andrew Rainer, who represents the parents.

A Coca-Cola spokesman said the lawsuit is not about consumer safety but about lining lawyers' pockets.

But Coca-Cola has it wrong. This lawsuit is about stopping a source of alternative energy!

Benzene forms naturally in forest fires, gasoline and cigarette smoke, among other things, and it's widely used industrially to make plastics, rubber, detergents, drugs and pesticides.

Connect the dots. Benzine is a key component in gasoline. Benzine in soda could be extracted and used to power our cars, generate electricity and make medicine. But those irrational irresponsible moonbats want to stop it from being created.

We need to bomb Iran and get some of their oil to compensate.

Breaking: Giant Islamofascist Monster Attacks Prague!

Proceeded by explosions and dirty hippies dancing in glee, a horrifying Islamofascist terrorist monster invaded the old city of Prague today yesterday. This terrifying sight proves that even the formerly evil commie nations are not immune from the Islamohippiepinkocommienazi threat!

Causualty reports are not in yet.

Islamofascist FDA approves abortion pill

Over-the-counter Plan B approved / Morning-after pill to be available without prescription to women 18 and older
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration on Thursday approved Plan B, casually called the morning-after pill, for sale without a prescription to women age 18 and older. If taken within 72 hours of having unprotected sex, Plan B is up to 89 percent effective at preventing pregnancy.

Sporty, get the signs and the dead fetus photos. We got picketing to do! We'll take back those uterine walls yet!

This just shows you the road we're going down in America. People wanting to prevent pregnancy! It's terrible.

The only reason you should have sex is to have children! And you should only have three or four kids, tops! That means you should only have sex three or four times in your whole life!

What kind of message are we sending our kids when we say that it's okay to have sex without having a baby?

Plus, we need more white babies! Have you all forgotten that? Oh, how I weep for this heathen nation.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Breaking: LGF Causes France to Send More Troops to Lebanon!

It was just yesterday that LGF reminded France of its obligations and it worked. Today, France promised to send a whopping 2000 troops to Lebanon to secure peace there.

You're welcome, world.

Hitler's Cross is No More

BOMBAY, India - The owner of a restaurant named after Adolf Hitler said Thursday he will change its name because it angered so many people.

Puneet Sablok said he would remove Hitler's name and the Nazi swastika from billboards and the menu. He had said the restaurant's name - "Hitler's Cross" - and symbols were only meant to attract attention.

Stupid Dutchers Let Terrorists Go Free!

HAARLEM, Netherlands (AP) - Prosecutors said Thursday they found no evidence of a terrorist threat aboard a Northwest Airlines flight to India that returned to Amsterdam, and they are releasing all 12 passengers arrested after the emergency landing.

The men, all Indian nationals, had aroused suspicions on Flight NW0042 to Bombay because they had a large number of cellphones, lap tops and hard drives, and refused to follow the crew's instructions, prosecutors said.

Because of those actions, the pilot of the DC-10 radioed for help shortly after takeoff Wednesday and the plane was escorted back to Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport by two Dutch fighter jets. The 12 were arrested after the plane landed.

It's obvious those men were terrorists. Eleven of them were travelling together. They had cell phones! They had laptop computers! AND they had hard drives! Yet those stupid Dutchers just let them leave the country instead of shipping them to Gitmo.

This is the way they should have done it -- Get scared Respond to a nationwide alert by arresting some terrorists for terrorist-like activity such as buying a lot of cell phones and having some photos. Make plenty of important-sounding sound bites which really don't say anything such as this one: "It's a very complex situation that involves interstate as well as international activity."

Work in a drug angle if you can. Everybody knows about the war on drugs as well as the war on terror: "The cell phones can be used as detonators. Batteries can be disassembled and used to make methamphetamine. Obviously there's something wrong here."

After awhile - several days should do it - announce that the men, although bearing terrrorist names like Nabih and Adham, are not terrorists. Then, just as they think they are going to be freed, find some Federal charges with which to charge them and ship 'em to Gitmo!

It's terrorism control like we do here that makes us the only remaining superpower in the entire world.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Case closed, we win!

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Baghdad security 'getting better'
A joint operation to improve security in Baghdad is bringing results, American and Iraqi officials say.


Well, "getting results" is good enough for me.  Who wants to invade Iran?

Our President Slaps Down an Insane Moonbat Lib 'Journalist'

Our President is so articulate and calm, it makes me swoon. It all holds together for me!

Why do these Marines hate the troops?

United Press International - Security & Terrorism - Marines tap involuntary reserves
The Marine Corps is activating its ready reserve, tapping a pool of thousands of reservists who haven't volunteered for upcoming deployments. The Marine Corps faces a shortfall of about 1,200 Marines with specific skills in units slated to deploy. Until now, all slots left empty by active duty Marines have been filled by volunteers. Most Marines sign up for one four-year tour, but it includes a total eight-year commitment. Many opt for a four-year stint in the rarely tapped ready reserve, which involves certifying as fit for duty once a year while they work or go to school.
Why the hell haven't these Marines volunteered to go to Iraq and Afghanistan? Don't they know we're winning? Why don't these Marines support the troops? I demand answers!

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You Owe Us, France!

So, after the beserk moonbat bizarros were all like, "Israel! Get out of Lebanon now!" nobody wants to send peacekeepers to Southern Lebanon so Israel can do just that:

Meanwhile, Israel's foreign minister called the situation in Lebanon "explosive" and urged the international community to work quickly to deploy peacekeeping troops there. Lebanese Prime Minister Fuad Saniora urged the United States to help end Israel's sea and air blockade, and said his country was making "every effort" to secure its borders.
Of course, this reluctance to send peacekeepers has nothing to do with those U.N. observers getting killed a couple of weeks ago. Plus, those guys were wimps anyway with their pathetic phone calls to the U.N. They were all like, "Israel is bombing our observation post. What should we do?" The U.N. should have just told them to fight back instead of trying to contact Israel to get them to stop bombing. Why do you think they call them peacekeepers?

So, France is only promising 200 soldiers, although they are being teases about the whole thing:

[Tzipi] Livni visited Paris less than a week after the French disappointed the United Nations by pledging only 200 new troops to the peacekeeping force in Lebanon.

[French Foreign Minister] Douste-Blazy defended the decision, but hinted that France might be willing to send more soldiers.
C'mon France! You owe us! We renamed Freedom Fries back to French Fries just for you!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

First Raccoons, Now Bees!

Islamofascists are now terrorizing airports across our great Nation:

As pilot Brian Murphy prepared for a quick flight from Burbank's Bob Hope Airport to San Francisco in May, his ground crew alerted him to a problem on his Beechcraft King Air 200: A five-foot-wide blanket of bees was draped over the plane's left engine cover. And many bees were finding their way into an engine compartment and even into the cockpit.

"I was just shocked," says the 36-year-old charter pilot, who raced to shut the cockpit's open vent windows. "Within just 20 minutes there were thousands of bees that had moved onto the exhaust area." He considered turning on the engines to shoo away the swarm but decided that that might make matters worse by agitating the bees.

The bewildered crew didn't know what to do, either, but the Burbank Airport Fire Department knew the drill. "I could hear them yell down into their fire shack, 'It's time to go spray the bees again,' " recalls Steven Schell, the general manager for Mercury Air Center-Burbank.

Firefighters hosed off the King Air 200 with an insecticide foam that suffocates bees. "They were dropping straight to the ground, whole big chunks of them," Mr. Murphy remembers. The bees inside the engine cover, meanwhile, came crawling out through the inner lip once the foam hit the plane. "Once they started spraying, those bees weren't ever able to fly," he says. Then the pilots vacuumed up three dozen bees that had entered the cockpit.
That is one pilot who will never be the same after his brush with terror. And it is obviously no coincidence that these terrorists chose to attack a plane at an airport named after one of America's most enduring symbols of freedom, Bob Hope.

h/t to loyal commenter and enthusiastic fister, Christopher Cunningham.

First Immigrant Rights Supporters, Then Patriotic Americans!

Immigration supporters are causing problems in American cities again by daring to hold a protest against a law that they think is too harsh. It happened today yesterday in Riverside, NJ.

Here are the protestors, trying to wrap themselves in the American flag:

Then they marched up Scott Street, Riverside's main thoroughfare. This march so infuriated one patriotic American citizen that he apparently threatened to punch someone's lights out:

Other patriots were similarly incensed:

Some in the crowd were intoxicated. Some waved Confederate flags, while others thrust their right arms up to resemble a Nazi salute. Dozens had signs calling for tighter border control...

"You spread germs," screamed Mary Goff, 32, a lifelong township resident. "You're ignorant, disgusting and lazy. Go somewhere else and give us back our town."

The march ended at St. Peter's Catholic Church, where the patriotic Americans could finally mingle with the protestors and tell them exactly what they thought:

All photos from the Philadelphia Enquirer, proud member of the biased moonbat lib lunatic MSM (for example, they actually quote some illegals in the article instead of turning them in to the authorities). A reluctant h/t to the commies over at the Poor Man.

"Iran wants to talk but keep nuke program"

Of course we need to bomb them now.

First Squirrels, Now Raccoons!

Residents of Olympia, Washington are the latest domestic victims of Islamofascisthippienazism terrorism. Formerly adorable raccoon families have been infiltrated by members of Al Quada and turned against our fellow citizens:

"We used to love the raccoons. They'd have their babies this time of year, and they were so cute. Even though we lived in the city, it was neat to have wildlife around," he said, "but this year, things changed. They went nuts."

In one case five raccoons tried to carry off a small dog, which managed to survive.

The attacks, all within a three-block area near the Garfield Nature Trail in Olympia, are highly unusual, said Sean O. Carrell, a problem wildlife coordinator with the state Department of Fish and Wildlife, adding that trappers may be summoned from the U.S.
Department of Agriculture to remove problem animals.

"I've never heard a report of 10 cats being killed. It's something were going to have to monitor," Carrell said.

Meanwhile, residents have hired Tom Brown, a nuisance wildlife control operator from Rochester, Washington, to set traps, but in six weeks he has caught only one raccoon. He and Carrell said raccoons teach their young - and each other - to avoid traps.

Brown said he had seen packs of raccoons this big but none so into killing.

"They are in command up there," he said.

Now that they are in command in Olympia, it is obvious the menace will spread to other American communities. Early reports indicate the Al Quada infiltration originated in Canada. Typical.

First Islamofascists Bombs, Then Germanofascists Restaurants!

Restauranteurs have opened a Hitler themed eatery in Mumbai, India and wish to start a restaurant chain nationwide:

Hitler's Cross', which opened last week, serves up a wide range of continental fare and a big helping of controversy, thanks to a name the owners say they chose to stand out among hundreds of Mumbai eateries.

"We wanted to be different. This is one name that will stay in people's minds," owner Punit Shablok told Reuters.

"We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different."

..The small restaurant, its interior done out in the Nazi colors of red, white and black, also has a lounge for smoking the exotic Indian water pipe or "hookah."

Posters line the road leading up to it, featuring a red swastika carved in the name of the eatery. One slogan reads: "From Small Bites to Mega Joys."

..."This place is not about wars or crimes, but where people come to relax and enjoy a meal," said restaurant manager Fatima Kabani, adding that they were planning to turn the eatery's name into a brand with more branches in Mumbai.

The swastika has its roots in ancient Indian Hindu tradition and remains a sacred symbol for Hindus. Nazi theorists appropriated it to bolster their central hypothesis of the Aryan origins of the German people.

Local Jewish residents are angry, calling the theme the 'deification' of Hitler. But it's a restaurant, not a church!

President Bush reaches out to young people

The president is so talented. How dare that turncoat Joe Scarborough call him an idiot?

Sunday, August 20, 2006

A New Townhall Blog!

Wow - check out this great new conservative blog. Go sign up for Townhall and show them some love! That's an order.

The Reichsminister

PS - Townhall took down that wonderul patriotic blog, but you can still get through on the comment link here (until they figure that out).

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Breaking: They Enlist So We Don' t Have To

Take that, Operation Yellow Elephant! The Army's new recruitment age limit is working:

FORT JACKSON, S.C. - Margie Black had wanted to enter the military as a teenager, but having her first child at 19 put off her ambitions. So when she learned the Army raised its enlistment age, Black, now a 41-year-old grandmother from West Columbia, Texas, didn't hesitate to join. The decision took "about 30 seconds," she said...

Russell Dilling, 42, of San Antonio, and his 19-year-old son, Robert, had tears in their eyes as they hugged afterward. The younger Dilling graduated from basic training. Russell Dilling is scheduled to finish Oct. 6 and is hoping his knees hold out. He wants to become a small arms repairman.

"When he graduates, I am sure I will be as proud of him as he is of me today," said Robert Dilling, who wants to train as a combat medic.

Russell Dilling said he got to Fort Jackson at 11 p.m. earlier this summer - one hour before his 42nd birthday and the Army's new deadline. "It's been tough physically, but my company has been pretty supportive," he said.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Randy Newman Sums It Up

For the past four days, not nearly enough terrorists have been blown up. I think this video shows us what we should do.

Those Lying Media Moonbats!

During the recent dust-up in Lebanon, we found out that one Reuters photographer had faked some of his photographs, which of course means that all photos from the war were faked. And some journalists biased their articles towards the Lebanese, who were the ones getting blown up in much greater numbers. That means all the articles about the war were faked. So, we can safely conclude that the war didn't even happen. And why are we even calling it a war. It was just a disagreement among neighbors, nothing more.

Move along, of course. Nothing to see here, obviously.

We're on Notice? Why? Why God Why?

We have to do better folks. If good Christian Patriot Stephen Colbert is putting us on notice, we must not be trying hard enough to beat the Islamo-Fascist-Liberal triads!

Come on! Be less gay! Work harder! Threaten more brown people!

Breaking: Regime Change in Namibia Causes Huge Explosion!

[WINDHOEK] Namibia has dismissed claims by scientists that an "explosion" in jellyfish numbers off the country's coast is due to overfishing. It says the trend is instead due to 'regime change' among marine species.

Friday Rottweiler Bloggink

Der left vingers haff deir leetle Friday Ket Bloggink, so mein t'ought ve should blog in kind...zo here ist der first of der keeler dogs to blog, jah?

Mein veel be on vacayshun for der next ten days, visiting der kamps und getting mein re-edumacayshun. Plis to enjoy der veasser vile mein ist gone, und mein veel zee you ven mein returned...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Terrorists hijack comets!

This is an enhanced 1997 file photo of Asteroid Mathilde taken by the Near Earth Asteroid Rendezvous (NEAR) spacecraft. The world's astronomers are keeping a wary eye to the skies for giant objects on a collison course with Earth. (AP Photo/NASA,ho) Experts say there are about 1,100 comets and asteroids in the inner solar system that are at least a half-mile across, and that any one of them could unleash a global cataclysm capable of killing millions in a single blinding flash.

Folks, if that activist liberal judge in Detroit takes the NSA wiretapping away, the Islamo-Comets will destroy us all!

Impeach Judge Anna Diggs Taylor, or watch your children burn in a fiery cataclysm!

Vy Does Zey Hate Christians Zo????

BERLIN (Reuters) - A seven-member family faces eviction from an east Berlin apartment tower after neighbors complained about loud prayer sessions that keep the whole building awake at night, a German newspaper said Thursday.

"I really don't want to disturb the neighbors but the high volume is needed in the battle against the devil," Pierre D., the 42-year-old father of the Christian family, told Bild newspaper. He is fighting an eviction order in court.

Neighbors told Bild the screams and singing that are part of the family prayers in the second storey sometimes begin at 2:30 a.m. and can be heard all the way up to the fifth floor.

"We have to work in the morning and need our sleep," said taxi driver Horst Berghahn, who lives on the third floor. He said he asked the family to lower the volume several times since they moved into the building 10 months ago but to no avail.

Meny ist der times zat mein hast been avoken by der loud prayers to Gott from across der alleyvay.

All mein does ees peeck up der binocoolars und watch der vomen in supplicunt prayer, und let mein leetel soldier out for target practeece...but not for dese gut Christians! Nein, deir neighbors are IslamofascistheepiecommiepinkoFAWNS!

Eggcessif Efferhmatiff Ection

Astronomers are proposing a galactic shift of our solar system that could raise the number of planets from nine to 12 and open the way to naming dozens more.

After two years of debate, a draft resolution will be formally presented to the International Astronomical Union at a convention in Prague on Wednesday with the aim of settling once and for all what defines a planet.

For now, it appears there will be cosmic consensus and Pluto's solar system status is safe.


Loony moonbet leebrals, alvays findink vays to fock op der Amerikkka!

Nine planets vuz gut enough for mein fadder, und eet vuz gut enough for der Fuhr-- mein meaning, der President, den eet's gut enough for mein!

Vy do ashtronomers hate Amerikkka?????

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

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Breaking: Oily Rags of Terror Terrorize Port of Seattle!

Clearly, we have to bomb Iran to prevent terror incidents such as this one from every happening on U.S. soil water again!

SEATTLE - Authorities evacuated dozens of workers and set up a half-mile perimeter around part of the city's port Wednesday after bomb-sniffing dogs indicated that two shipping containers from Pakistan could contain explosives.

Customs agents used a "gamma-ray" device at Terminal 18, south of downtown, to peer through the containers' steel walls and detected some items inside did not match the containers' manifest, agency spokesman Mike Milne said.

The containers were then subjected to the dogs, which raised concerns about explosives. A bomb squad that searched the containers found nothing dangerous.

Officials said the containers were supposed to contain oily rags, which are often shipped internationally for recycling or use in packaging. Authorities continued examining the cargo Wednesday afternoon.

This is what could have happened:
A nuclear explosion at the Port of Long Beach could kill 60,000 people immediately, expose 150,000 more to hazardous radiation and cause 10 times the economic loss of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, according to a new Rand Corp. study.

This madness will not end until we bomb Iran.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Sen. Santorum loves a good Rachel Corrie pancake joke

Sen. Rick Santorum
United States Senate

Dear Sen. Santorum,

I wasn't surprised to learn that you're a big fan of the blog, Little Green Footballs. I suspect it's the first blog many of your caucus mates read in the morning. That is with the exception of Sen. Allen. He's obviously more of a Stormfront kind of guy. You can tell by his vocabulary.

I'd be thrilled if my blog made it onto a senator's favorites list. I'm hoping you could help me do that by telling me what it is exactly that that you like about LGF. Is it the Rachel Corrie pancake jokes that became an LGF staple after she was crushed by an Israeli bulldozer or how LGF's creator, Charles Johnson, attacked the media for publishing a "barrage of images of Corrie looking Caucasian and saintly"? If not those things, could it be LGF's constant villification of brown people, or perhaps the recent news that the FBI is investigating LGF for threatening the lives of Muslim spokespeople?

What ever it is, I'll do the same. I want Jesus' General to be one of your favorite blogs too.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

How Deed Mein Mees Dis???

HUNTSVILLE, Alabama (Reuters) - The Air Force's new top commander for space predicted on Tuesday future attacks on U.S. satellites and called for greatly expanded tracking and identification of payloads launched by other countries.

Currently, U.S. efforts are focused on determining if an overseas launch is a ballistic missile or designed to put an object in orbit, then cataloging it over a period that can take weeks, said Air Force Gen. Kevin Chilton, who heads the Air Force Space Command at Peterson Air Force Base, Colorado.

"I say those days are over," he told an annual conference here on the fledgling, multibillion-dollar U.S. anti-missile shield. "If it's a space launch, we can't afford to relax."

"We need to know what the intent of that launch is," he said, including whether an object could jam or otherwise harm satellites or spread micro-satellites that could do so.
Mit dat in mind, mein hast ein sugyestion for der powers dat be....Karl?

Ve need to shtart ein program for der jungen det veel train zem to fly meeshuns to der oudder leemeets in order to patroll der shpace looking for terrorismist satellites.

Und mein hast yust der program een mind! Der "Yunior Birdmen"!

Ass zu can zee, entire families can enleest to assist us in our effords to prevent der shneaky shpace attacks!

Even Halliburdon ken git een on der ect!

Vy, mein ken efen eemageene zu zourzelf, Karl, in der corps!Wadda zay, Karl? Can mein haff ein grant?

The Game is Rigged Against Us. We Are Doomed. Surrender to the Bush Now!

"America is safer than it has been, yet it is not yet safe," Bush told reporters at the National Counterterrorism Center just outside Washington. "The enemy has got an advantage when it comes to attacking our homeland: They got to be right one time and we've got to be right 100 percent of the time to protect the American people."

Vot Dost Dees Tell You???

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Three quarters of Americans can correctly identify two of Snow White's seven dwarfs while only a quarter can name two Supreme Court Justices, according to a poll on pop culture released on Monday.

According to the poll by Zogby International, commissioned by the makers of a new online game on pop culture called "Gold Rush," 57 percent of Americans could identify J.K. Rowling's fictional boy wizard as Harry Potter, while only 50 percent could name the British prime minister, Tony Blair.

Just over 60 percent of respondents were able to name Bart as Homer's son on the television show "The Simpsons," while only 20.5 percent were able to name one of the ancient Greek poet Homer's epic poems, "The Iliad" and "The Odyssey."
Eet tells mein det ve are vinning der var for der hearts und minds of Americans! Zhust t'ink: more Amerikkkans cun identify der Zimpzon fambly den can idenfity zome IslamohippienazipinkocommieFawn poet like der fag Homer who zimpasized mit Ozama been Latin!

Zo you are no confoosed, mein ist posting der pitcher of der Supreme Court zhustices pozing mit der Laura Bush...Und now der dwarves, posing mit der Vicked Veetch und her dog, Clearance...dot's her on der left...

A New Horror Unfolds!

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. posted its first profit decline in a decade Tuesday as the world's largest retailer was forced to pay a hefty price for withdrawing from Germany, selling its stores there at a loss to a rival.

Chief Executive Lee Scott also said sales at Wal-Mart's U.S. stores were disappointing as high gas and energy prices hit the pocketbooks of customers.
Results were still in line with expectations and the company reiterated its guidance for the year. The company's stock fell 65 cents, or 1.4 percent to $44.45 in late morning trading on the New York Stock Exchange.

Der Lifeshaving Hooter

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - An Israeli woman's breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hizbollah rocket attack during Israel's war with the Lebanese group, a hospital spokesman said Tuesday.

Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24-year-old's heart.

"She was saved from death," said a spokesman for Nahariya Hospital in northern Israel. The woman has been released from hospital.

Mein vants to zuck out der shrapnel.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Israelis Rescue Pets; Terrorists Train Theirs to Attack!

Compare these two efforts to help animals in the Mideast -

In Israel:
Cute Israeli puppies are given drinks of pure water
July 27, Tel Aviv - Working through the night to avoid the danger of rocket fire, Hakol Chai, the Israeli sister charity of Concern for Helping Animals in Israel (CHAI), rushed 4 tons of food and hundreds of plastic water containers to the northern Israeli settlement of Nes Amim, near Nahariya, where volunteers immediately began the process of distributing it to animals in need throughout the region.
At midnight, the delivery van carrying the much-needed supplies pulled in to Nes Amim, where it was met by the coordinator for volunteers in the north. While rockets exploded in the background, local Dutch and German residents helped unload bag after bag of food and begin the distribution process.

In Lebanon:
Evil Islamofascist feline catapults terrorist propaganda.
PETA representatives Jason Baker-a veteran of animal rescue efforts in New York City following September 11 and in New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina-and Michele Rokke are in the Middle East leading the only foreign-based animal rescue team helping terrified animals who are trapped in the war zone.
MONTEVERDE, Lebanon - The howls of 133 canine refugees echoed Tuesday through the pine-and-oak-covered hills above the Lebanese capital - crowded into cages but safely away from airstrikes against Hezbollah strongholds in the south. The dogs were moved by volunteers from a shelter in Beirut's southern suburbs to an abandoned pig farm east of the capital. These animals might be considered lucky compared to pets left to fend for themselves by foreign and Lebanese owners fleeing the Israeli bombardment.

It's obvious. The gentle-hearted Israelis are funding their own pet rescue efforts with the help of donations from generous souls worldwide, while Lebanon is relying on foreign moonbat animal libnuts to take their pets to farms where they will be trained by deranged moonbat squirrels in the way of terroristic combat.

h/t to Carl.

Bush Confirms It - Israel Won!

WASHINGTON - President Bush said Monday that Israel defeated Hezbollah's guerrillas in the monthlong Mideast war and that the Islamic militants were to blame for the deaths of hundreds of Lebanese civilians...

"Hezbollah attacked Israel. Hezbollah started the crisis, and Hezbollah suffered a defeat in this crisis"...

The president portrayed the war, which killed about 790 Lebanese and 155 Israelis, as part of a broader struggle between freedom and terrorism. He said one can only imagine how much more dangerous such a conflict would be if Iran possessed nuclear weapons.

Bush said Hezbollah lost, though Israel didn't knock out the guerrillas.

All I'm going to say is I told you so!

Ein New Terrorismist Sreat!

Several people attacked by a squirrel at Central Park said they had one word for the animal: nuts. On Wednesday some expressed frustration that the animal was not caught sooner, the Orlando Sentinel reported.

Alisa Cox's son Carson, 3, was bitten by a squirrel several times and had a 2-inch wound on his leg after the incident, Cox said.
Ass eef dat vuz bad enough, dey're usink der biological varfare!
City employees captured the animal with a litter grabber Tuesday. It died and is being tested for rabies. Officers had previously tried to subdue the animal with pepper spray.
Dis plaze eest getting too shcary! Ve must make planz for der abandonink eet to der terrorismists und dere allies, der lieberals!


Next t'ing you know, de IslamocommienazihippiepinkoFawns veel be turning dem into flyink bio-bombs, takink out entire shitty blocks at vun shitting! Forzhunately, ve still haff der zhipmunks on our zide!

The Single Root of the Mideast Wars

In June, Huda Ghalia single-handedly forced Israel to invade come into Gaza in tanks and artillery units by manipulating the international press into thinking her family had been killed on a beach with two other unrelated Death Cultists (while 73 other Death Cultists were injured). New evidence now points to this single 10-year-old girl as the cause of the war disturbance in Lebanon also.

Consider this - when he was our enemy, Moamar Khaddafi's name was variously reported as Qaddhafi, Qaddafi, Gaddafi, Kaddafi, Khadafy, Qadhafi, Qadaffi, and Gadaffi and even Qadhdhafi - and that is just his last name. His first name has been spelled Muammer, Moammar, Muammar and even Mu'ammar. But, now that he is our ally in the fight against terror, his name is spelled Moammar El-Gadhafi by almost everyone. Hezbollah, that dastardly terrorist organization which has slaughtered tens of millions of innocent Israelis, is spelled Hizbulla, Hezbullah, Hezbollah, Hiz b'Allah, Hez b'Allah, Hezbollad or Hazbollah. So, it's is obvious that terrorist individuals and organizations have multiple name spellings.

Now, back to Houda. Her name has been reported as: Huda Ghalya, Hadil Ghalia, Huda Ghalia and Houda Ghalia. Obviously, the variety in names means she is a terrorist mastermind the likes of which we haven't seen since El-Gadhafi was terrorizing his country the world! Of course Israel had to invade Lebanon.

Now we just have to find out what this 10-year-old of pure evil was doing in 2003 to cause the Iraq War.

The General And The Protester

Our very own J.C. Christian, patriot (aka The General) has the inspiring story of a handsome man with excellent taste in clothes making his patriotic viewpoint known in Maryland. Go here and be amazed!

Terrorist 6-Month-Old Arrested

First terrorist breasts, and now terrorist bottles. When will the moonbats learn that this is serious!!???

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Balloon of Terror

A clown named Lars Lottrup from terrorism-loving Denmark yucks it up inside a giant balloon as part of the International Clown Festival. Sure it seems harmless, but consider this photo:

We have now seen the Danish Islamofascist Balloon of Terror.

Our Way of Life Under Attack!

Loyal commenter Freedom Fan has pointed out numerous times that deranged moonbat libs fail completely to understand the full scope of the Islamonazifascist menace. And that is true. For example, they wouldn't make much of this religious fanatic periodically trying to escape his murder trial to go pray:

ANKARA, Turkey - A suspected Islamic extremist on trial for killing a high court judge was subdued by security forces Friday after he tried to escape from the courtroom to attend traditional prayers...

On the trial's opening day, Arslan asked the court for permission to leave to pray, but Judge Orhan Karadeniz refused, saying the proceedings could not be interrupted for prayers.

Arslan then tried to escape but was caught by guards. The trial was briefly adjourned.

In the afternoon session, Arslan again tried to escape after hearing a call for prayers from a nearby mosque, but was stopped by guards once more, the private Dogan news agency reported.

Connect the dots. Fanatics are dangerous. Islamofascistnazists are religious fanatics, so are extra dangerous. Take that, maniacal moonbats!

UPDATE at 08/13/06 07:40:43

Kung Fu Monkey just repeats the lunatic moonbat crazy viewpoint.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Breaking: 79 Percent of Democrats Hate America

How can they do this to Holy Joe?
In his nationally televised concession speech after losing to primary challenger Ned Lamont this week, Connecticut Democratic Sen. Joe Lieberman announced he would continue his re-election bid as an independent, He appealed to people across the country to send their support - and maybe a campaign contribution - to his headquarters.

A new Zogby Interactive poll shows he shouldn't waste too much time waiting by the mailbox.
Thankfully, cooler heads think Joe should retain his Senate seat regardless of what the people of Connecticut want. And, after all, Joe had a terrific week, right?

Breaking: Terrorists Now in Our Homes!

Now, we are no longer safe in our homes. Police were mystified, but it's obviously terrorism.

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - When Debbie Phillips tried to report a crime, police just snickered. "I told him that someone came into my house and cleaned," the president of the Putnam County School Board said. "He just laughed."

The problem wasn't that her home smelled a little fresher or looked a little tidier. The problem was that Phillips had no idea who the mystery cleaner was."

Sure, it sounds trivial, but read what this patriotic American went through:

All she knew was the rugs weren't where she had left them that morning in June. Trinkets had been rearranged and in the master bedroom, the bed was made differently.

It didn't look like anything had been stolen, but she couldn't be sure.

Uncertainty. The curse of terrorism is that none of us will ever be able to be certain in our homes again.

Breaking: TSA Announces New Threat

Speaking exclusively to LGF on condition of anonymity, a senior TSA official said today:

Today, the British government, in conjunction with the US government, have uncovered a plot to use urine as a weapon aboard international flights. The details of the plot could not be disclosed but the governments have assured their respective populations that all is being done to prevent any loss of life.

As a result of the potential threat the TSA has announced that in addition to the existing screening process, all passengers will need to relieve themselves before approaching security checkpoints. All bathrooms whether in the terminal or aboard planes will be closed Passengers are being asked to "hold it" until they arrive at their destination. Passengers that do not abide by these rules will be subject to genital electric shock and prolonged interrugations.

The TSA wishes all a happy, safe and uncomfortable journey.

HA! Ein Pozer!

Nobel Prize-winning German writer Guenter Grass, author of the great anti-Nazi novel The Tin Drum, has admitted serving in the Waffen-SS.

He told a German newspaper he had been recruited at the age of 17 into an SS tank division and served in Dresden.

Previously it was only known he had served as a soldier and was wounded and taken prisoner by US forces.
Qvisling! Traitor! Zu vuz vun of us, und you wrote zuch ein hateful, shpiteful, anti-Aryanieec book???? Zu zhould burn in hell, you meeserable kunt!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Mr. President, look out! There are Islamofascists behind you!

George W Bush with Islamic leaders at the Islamic Center, 18 Sept 2001

BBC NEWS | Americas | Bush's language angers US Muslims
In the days after the horror of the 11 September attacks, President George W Bush made a point of saying Muslims per se were not America's enemy. But in the five years since then, he has taken less care to emphasise that message, US Muslim leaders are saying. They are upset about his use of terms like "Islamic fascists", which he used this week both for Hezbollah and the suspected bomb plotters held in the UK. "It offends the vast majority of moderate Muslims," Ahmed Younis said.

Well, boo hoo, Mr. Younis, if that is your real name.  You can take your moderation and stuff it in a sack!  Mr. Bush is not a weak-kneed, limp-wristed, wispy, cracker-eating, back-biting, cut-and-runner!  He is a cowboy hero Christian happy fun time Panda Robot!

He shoots from the hip!

He aims for the chin!

He once killed a man for snoring too loud!

He can eat a beer can at breakfast and shit out a gun before lunch!

So, you namby-pamby Islamo-Muslo-Eco-Terrorists better get used to it!