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  • Mein Is SO Embarassed!
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    > We get all the best commenters here at LGF!
    > Yes Karl and more info than most of really need comes with those comments
    > I was happy to read about someone's mufti but look! There's a link to information on hot tubs yawl. See ya later.
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  • But, he's so popular!
    > oh no! first we lost little ricky, now dr frist and probably we'll lose george allen. damn, there are just no good god fearing candidates left for the right to choose from. perhaps newt, we need to rethink freedom of speech, gingrich will decide to run and save the world from whatever it is that we need saving from. perhaps he can lead the charge against the nasty hippie evil doers.
    > Mein is so sad by dis. Frist vuz der first doctor I could trust since Mengele...
    > I'm actually glad he'll have more time for medicine. I sent him a videotape of my colon in April and am still waiting for a diagnosis. I have one of the old fashioned full size vhs camcorders so it was made with great discomfort.
    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > directed to outofcontext....ouch! that had to hurt. But good for you for seeking the best medical opinion from the great doctor.
    > Hey! We still have Newt!
    > Yawl, this makes me so sad. What will Kitler say? I guess we gotta relie now on Brownback. Now that there is a good man. He hates the gays and loves the Lord.
  • We ARE Winning!
    > So WTF did we win? The right to claim that we have caused more Iraqi deaths than Saddam did? Hell of a win!
    > We beat off der terrorismists in Iraq, PoP!
    > Theyre only killing each other to influence the presidential election in 2012.

    He likes this site !
    > Tom,

    Why are you usink ein Satanic shymbol? Are you ein Jew?
    > Observers-Iraq/Advisors-Vietnam...
    > And, of course, winning is everything.
    > We finally won? Yawl told me that last June so I still don't know if yawl are just yankin my chain some more. But I guess I'll believe it agin. Cause the librual mofos lie. I tell yawl, I hadda take a broom to this woman who was rollin around my front yard laughin. I'm tired of these crazy hippie mofos trippin on my lawn. Got-dammit. Sorry about the rant but Jesus H. Christ I hate me some librual hippie berkinstock wearin mofos yawl.
  • BEST News From Iraq!
    > Good news, indeed. Could you imagine? Working with the Iranians. Preposterous.
    > Now, if we could just find someone who CAN rebuild the infrastructure...
    > .....(\_........_/)

    He likes this site !
    > Tom,

    Gott bless you!
    > It is absolutely nuts to think that Iran and Syria would rush forth and solve a civil war in Iraq that was instigated by a US invasion when the US is sabre rattling against Iran and Syria. They would only do this if this civil war threatened them, but they will not do it on the urging of the US puppet government.
    > C'mon - four to eight hours of electricity a day is plenty!
    > Man that's impressive yawl. President Bush hisself flew to Iraq to stop the war? I am feelin all chock full of American Pride yawl.
  • MORE Good News From Iraq!
    > Yay.
    > Triple win! Terrorists won't have medical help any more!
    > .....(\_........_/)

    He likes this site !
  • Dis Is A Good T'ing
    > How dare those assholes try to pray?

    Don't they know this is America?
  • Teh penguins have caught teh gay!
    > Now now, Herr McVite...ve all know der animules haff der same urges dat ve humans do...dose vales vere probably chust engaged in a leetle naked Shpartan wrestling!
    > You know this is just another librul lie, no mention of meth anywhere...
    > I blame the A.L.F.
    Animals will be expecting marriage next.

    As a God-fearing Christophile I've never believed animals should be allowed into heaven and this is another good reason.

    I?ve always known the parrots were gay, I mean you only have to look at them.

    I'm really disappointed with the giraffes though. Its like they?re biting the hand of God- they were definitely given a place on Noah?s ark during the flood because I had a model of it when I was at school.
    > urges
  • Defeatocrats brainwash Tony Blair!
    > Stay the course!
    > Its al-Jazeera what do you expect.
    David Frost and those other Muslib Jihadis tricked him into saying those things.

    Anyway Tony Blair's denying it now so its probably not even the real Tony Blair just its a Jihadi photoshop.

    It seems the artists couldn?t quite get the color of his tie right though
    > Sporty's bunker?
    > Thank God anonymous was here to explain it. I've been OD'ing on happy pills all goddamn day.
    > They had to have adjusted the tint, I can tell because all Britons are paler than pale. Don't fall for the muslamofascist propaganda!!!
  • Der News Is Biased!
    > Peter Jennings' corpse has really let himself go.
  • Dey Tried To Take Mein Out!
    > We have a secret plan to win, but we can't tell you what it is because it's a secret.
  • On to victory!
    > We will win und bring der boys home by Christmas...not der Holidays, der CHRISTMAS, you Christian hating liberals!!!!
    > Will we leave the Jewish troops over there, Carl?
    > Nein, Herr McVite. Someone must go to der Chinese restaurants on Christmas...
  • Godless Marines damaging nation's poor!
    > Vot a load of crap!

    "We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family," Grein said Tuesday.

    Dere ARE no Jews or Muslims! Dis is America! Ve are vite!
    > Good day!
    My 14-year-old sister Megan came bounding into the kitchen wearing her black bikini. I had little time to react before she jumped up and wrapped her arms and legs around me. She squealed loudly in my ear and I had to grab onto the counter to keep from falling over.
    ? I leaned down over her body and licked along her nipples once gain. I slowly dragged my tongue down her stomach and tickled her sides. She giggled and I laughed too. My sweet baby sis, still so ticklish. My sweet baby sis, who I was about to make love to.
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  • Terrorismist Bears To Attack Dis Winter!!!!!
    > And still no proof of global warming.
    > I say we just kill all the bears.

    Would anyone miss them?
  • Vote early and vote often!
    > Mein voted 80 billion times already using der Diebold machine dat Karl inshtalled in mein wrestling room...
  • Iraqis stood up! We win! Double plus good!
    > Hooray for der Iraqi police! Mein fingers vere getting tired fighting dis war!
    > They're standing up all over the place. Hooray for democracy!

    Why do you hate democracy spreaders? Democracy doesnt spread itself, unless a country takes it upon themselves to self-spread. But in this case, we listened to the Generals, ignored what the had to say, and spreaded it ourselves.
  • Fine American Arrested in Fake Anthrax Terror Scheme
    > What a shame! It was just a bit of harmless fun -- like a frat boy prank!

    Those Islamolovers should stop persecuting our frat boys!
    > Exactly Sporty - he was just sitting there typing in his mother's basement - completely harmless!
    > I bet he left a bag of opened cheetos right there on the floor at mom's place. Do you think he was wearing his yellow elephant pj's when they nabbed him?
    > Actually, Patricia, I believe it was the orange fingerprints on the envelopes that finally did him in. I understand those are particularly easy to read. I marvel at the courage it takes to accomplish something like that. What a contrast to those cowardly terrorists who explode their bodies because they hate freedom. They don't have to suffer manly love in prison as a consequence of their actions.
    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > Mein has caught der anthrax. Eet's no beeg deal! All you do is buy your ticket, und get on der train und BAM! You are in DC!
    > Probably when they found him, in his fright he may have caused some other sorts of prints (stains) on his sponge bob undies.
    > Mein has caught der anthrax.

    And this is we always lose in New York ...
    > Does anyone have this guy's mugshot yet? I have to start printing up some "FREE Chad Castagana!" t-shirts. Only $45 a piece!

    I wonder if I can just put an iron on transfer over my leftover Club Gitmo shirts.
  • Defend Britney Spears' Marriage!
    > No time right now ... must.confirm.Bolton.
    > Mein doesn't t'ink K-Fed is ein mensch, tho...
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    > Ok I love Britney all the same but this time shes gone too far. Read the story below. This is from the Official Britney Spears Site.

  • Islamocajuns attack me for speaking the truth!
    > You don't have to take that from those angry shrill leftists Richie, don't let them silence you!
    > Hear! Hear! Don't let those Islamofascists take away your right to free speech, Richie!
    > Haggard's busy, but Dobson is in his prayer closet praying for an unseasonal storm to hit NOLA. We've got your back.
    > Dat granmere mimi...dat ees ein Franch name, correct? Mein vonders eef she shaves her armpits...
    > Hey, Genius,

    Our "bowl-shaped" city made your country wealthy.

    And for years gave uptight Protestants a place to work out a lot of spiritual constipation.

    We helped make you guys rich and cast out your psychological demons.

    You guys made a mess here for years in the Quarter and in the wetlands. So you ought to come clean it up.
    > I had nothing to do with it ... blame Foley, Haggard, and Mehlman. I believe I detect a pattern there, don't you?
    > Mr. Clio,

    Thanks for calling me a genius, but what does Karl messing up the election have to do with your "bowl-shaped" city?

    Is it a veiled reference to my spiritual restoration?
    > Sporty, why don't you just go back into your fucking Panic Room? I told you - we were ambushed by "teh gay" - part of the Vast Homosexual Gay Agenda.
    > Mein deed not haff anyzing to do mit der erections! Mein never has any erections!
    > Mein gott, Shporty! Are you gay again???
  • A 700-mile long pink fence
    > Herr McVite, zu does not need to worry about der gay, mein herr! You are all mensch and mein has der scars to show for eet!
  • Friday Cat Bloggink
    > Carl, fire up the Munstermobile, we gotta go degay Neil Patrick Harris.
    > Doogie Hauser!? Dat fine Cherman doctor????
  • Mein Hast Switched To Ein Blackshirt...
    > It reminds me of when someone gets voted off American Idol.
  • Damn those Egyptian defeatists!
    > Mein tinks der liberal media misrepresented hees comments. Clearly he vas talking about der election!
    > Riiiiiighhhhhhhttttttt....
  • I'm Reviewing The Situation
    > So, when do we take the cyanide pills?
    > I'm saving the cyanide for 2008 - for now I'm taking Johnny Walker Blue.
    > Mission Accomplished?



    > Karl? Are you sayink eet was all ein dream? Jah? Please?
  • Vilsack is no Woodcock!
    > Vilsack...sounds like he gets cold a lot...mein wonders eef he wears wool undies?
    > I'm going to miss the hypothetical Woodcock-Mountjoy ticket.
    > Miss C:

    I'll bet you love Woodcock as much as I do. He'll be back. Just give him a few minutes. Let him drink some water. Maybe eat a banana. Get his potassium levels back up. You know.

    This kind of thing happens to Woodcock from time to time. It's nothing to be embarassed about.

    No, really.
    > Mein is all over Mountjoy, mit mein Woodcock!
  • It's Rummy's Fault!
    > Where am I?
    > Karl, did you wake up at "Art"'s house again?

    Just put some salve on it and get back to work. We've got two years and a lot of indictments to gin up.
    > January is a long way a way, compatriots. Plenty could happen before the Communists...sorry...Democrats grasp the levers of power. Der Reichstag... scheiß...I mean Capitol Hill is a tinderbox. Verstehen sie? And don't fret over Herr Röhmsfeld. Sometimes the long knives must come out. There are fewer, but better Republicans.
  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    > +33 more somovabatchin dems in the house

    senater webb
    regan fakerrrrrrrr

    i ned to go puke now...............................................
    > NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    > The election is a fraud!

    Winter Patriot was right: We must immediately start a full scale investigation of Diebold who made the sinister, fraudulent election devices which have tricked us into believing that the Republicans were somehow booted out of office. This is an outrage!
    > Oh yes, baby! :)
    > Thats almost true, Fanboi.

    Its lucky that Diebold did secretly add a few sinister unaccounted for votes to the Republicans count though, or our losses would have been far more embarrassing and decisive.
    I dont think they were expecting such a high Dem turnout.

    Lousy Democrats! With their activist voters and GOTV dirty tricks!
    > Oh no.

    Now Rumsfelds gone.

    Henny Penny. the sky is falling.
    > Mein ist scared! Hold me, Shporty! Karl!
    > NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    > Hold you? I'm curled up in a fucking fetal position!
    > NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    > 9/11! Speaker Pel ... aahh, fuck it.
    > Shpeaker Pelosi?

    > I been studying since i woke up this afternoon:

    If ya hippies think yer brains are scambled now just wait til that stalinist Pelosi sends ya to workin in them fields with yer fellow illegal alien comrades with their Mexican Radio blasting accordion yodeling crap on the one side and you guys blasting your goddamn acid rock on the other.

    A regular workmans paradise!

    how was that one freedom fan?
    > Work, Chester?

    Mein does not do work, does you?
    > This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    > Chester,

    Quit being so ...

    ... dumb.
  • I smell a Blackwell win!
    > You can count on it! Because, well, we'll count the votes ...
    > It ist even better ven you control der voters like ve did...
  • Our Permanent Majority
    > Yale time? For who? Not mein! Mein vuz not in dis country ven all dis happen, jah! Mein vuz never in dis country! Mein cannot be held rezzzzzzzzzzzponsible for dis!
    > Any chance you can drop the faux-German accent from your texts, please? Aside from making it slightly difficult to make out what you're saying sometimes, you're just taking the piss out of Germans and I don't see the point. Oh, and the Italians were Fascists and Germans were Nazis. Thanks.
    > Any chance you can drop the faux-German accent from your texts, please? Aside from making it slightly difficult to make out what you're saying sometimes, you're just taking the piss out of Germans and I don't see the point. Oh, and the Italians were Fascists and Germans were Nazis. Thanks.
    > edinburp:

    Don't come in here making fun of Carl's accent.



    And, how dare you tell us who were Nazis and who were fascists? Don't you think we know?

    You think anybody would know who the fuck a little green Mussolini was in our logo? No!

    So, take your namby pamby, smarmy, cut and run liberal bullshit and go somewhere else.

    > Edinburd,

    Mein apologies. Mein ist trying to learn Anglish und feet in...
  • VE VUN!
    > The Irish??? FEH - I told you - I have the polls. We're going to pick up 16 or 17 seats in the House and 2 in the Senate. On to victory! 9/11!
  • Der Plan Komes Together
    > Arnold seems to flip his flops a lot. If California is happy with him, that's fine by me. Just don't send his ugly ass to Florida. We already have Katherine Harris down here to frighten the children.
    > Nein - Austrians. Just like ... you know who.
    > "Nein - Austrians. Just like ... you know who.

    Who? Hedy Lamarr?
    > Dot's HEDLEY, Herr Kramer...
  • Minimal Change
    > Jah, ve're comink fast!
    > So what were the totals and who won? Didn't Diebold send in the scores yet?
    > Diebold always teases us until the last minute - do we win by 5000 or 8000 votes, half a point or a whole point ... it makes for a rollicking good time!
    > While I'm not an expert on polling, my understanding is that it takes at least a couple days for current issues to be reflected in a poll. If you look at the Kerry incident, it made its way into the media on Tuesday, October 31st and it remained a topic through the Thursday November 2nd cycle. The Ted Haggard scandal first hit the media on Thursday November 2nd and remained a topic through Sunday November 5th. When looking at these dates in relation to the dates of recent surveys, there is obviously a degree of overlap and an imperfect division relative to these two media blockbusters. Nonetheless, the polling results seem to reflect the impact of the two issues whereby the first four polls show a larger slippage of Democratic support while the final three polls suggest a greater slippage for the GOP.

    Read more poll analysis here:

    > my understanding is that Defeatocrats are from the devil.


    oh, and Mission Accomplished, again.

    thanks karl.
  • Another corner turned!
    > Mission Accomplished, Defeatocrats!
    > Wait, I've turned so many corners that I'm dizzy. Seems at this rate, sooner or later we'll be back where we started.
    > We're going to execute him a couple days before the 2008 Presidential election. Hello President Frist!
    > Herr Reichsminister,

    Are you zaying der appeal veel take dat long????
  • Vote The Status Quo!
  • Mission accomplished!
    > Plus theys got all them negro weddins too. Close enuf to them sand negros we?s a fightin.
    > You dirty sumbitcxin axewiper! I always get to my site by Goodling little+green. And then I came here instead!!!
    > So is the war over now? I mean what does the score have to be before we can say we won?
    > Herr McVite, by mein count, if we keep up at dat rate, it will only take us somezing like 275 years to wissdraw frm Iraq! Planty of time to get der oil!
    > Chester,

    Nein, dis is der site you want. Dat udder site ist just ein pale reflection of our fine words.
    > A way paler reflection ...
    > "Lord, I have a problem!"
    "What's the problem, Eve?"
    "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
    "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
    "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
    "What's a 'man,' Lord?"
    "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly, he'll basically give you a hard time. He'll be bigger, faster, and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, But, he'll be pretty good in the sack."
    "I can put up with that," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
    "Yeah well, he's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, there is one condition."
    "What's that, Lord?"
    "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
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  • Shneaky Demoncrats
    > Give them crystal meth and a massage - they'll forget to vote!
    > Und pastoring!
    > Goddamn Democrats are always trying to sneak in socialized medicine!

    Just ask Canadians! They hate their free healthcare! And so does every other industrialized nation in the world! They hate it!
  • Pay No Attention To This!
    > Haggard vuz on drugs! He vuz high on cryztal meff! Danger! Danger! Vill Robinson! 9/11! 9/11!!!!!
    > Haggard was only following orders. Yeah baby...he likes to be "ordered" around.
    > Stay the course! We can't let little things like this stop Raygun's vision from coming to fruition from beyond the grave!!! Stay the course!!!11!
    > Tree,

    Vot are you zayink here? Dat Haggard was Merle a Cherman den most Amerikkkans?
    > That there Ted is sorta purty, don't yawl think? He used to run the Good Shepherd DeGaying camp so I know he aint' guilty.
    > Pay no attention to that man behind the closet door!
    > It's the Blowvember Surprise!
    > Katrina, LOL.
    > Come on, folks. Stop being such damned babies. Now, we're all adults here, and we have all gotten methed up and blown a guy or two. Then, we sober up, get a shot, and get degayed again.

    Get a grip.
    > Haggard read that he should turn the other cheek.

    He just misunderstood the phrase, thats all.
  • Richard Martin for president!
    > He's got my vote!
    > He can get a rise out of mein!
    > We'll run him against Hillary!
    > I do wonder why he always gives his campaign speeches in comedy clubs, though ....

    He's a man of the people.

    Unless he's too moderate, then we push-poll his ass!
  • Stupid liberal upstate New York cops smear fine upstanding family man Congressman John Sweeney, the bastards!
    > Mein doesn't undershtand why beating your wife ist such ein big deal...it's not like she's a schvartze, anyway! And even eef she was, dat would be OK too, so long as you didn't put her in chains first!
    > Vote Republican! Or the Democrats will make Osama bin Ladin head of Homeland Security! Hillary Clinton will come and take your guns away! GAAAHHH!
    > Maybe that there trooper came by to tell Mr. Sweeney he's doing a good job being a strong fambly man and all, smackin his wife around like a real man should. Ever think a that, stupid librual mofo press? I gess not!
    > And Democrat governors! Do you want more Democrat governors?!!?? Idiots like Bill Richardson, Mark Warner, Phil Bredesen? GAAAHHH!
    > Richie,

    What disturbs me most is how cheap these troopers are about issuing reports. If you need your house wall-papered, and you go to all the trouble to fling your wife around in order to get a hunk of paper for your wall, those troopers should oblige. Good God, what lengths does one have to go to in order to get a slip of paper?
    > Betty Cho,

    Den vy did you call der cops on me? I vuz only watching you shower from outzide der bushes, und you are MINE, not dat cop's!?
    > Pussey, you're right. Any paper that's been at my house or in my wife is MY PROPERTY!
    > Richie, the name is Pursey, not Pussey, but your legal description of property seems pretty accurate. If the paper is in your house or your wife, it is yours. If it is in your wife, it may be ready to just stick on the wall for your wall papering project without having to use that stinky old glue.
  • November Surprise! November Surprise!
    > Democrat squirrel judges! GAAAAHHHH!
    > That there squirrel sure do look tasty.
    > Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, Betty Cho, mein still has fond mammeries of your possum shtew...
  • NOT GAY!
    > Mein Gott in Himmel! Dis poor pastor...he ist merely trying to save der world from sin, one fag at der time! Mein can imagine dat he drains der sinful fluids from hees pentitents, und swallows eet for Jesus!
    > Vote Republican! Or else ... President Obama! Even worse - President Osama! Ted Kennedy picking your judges! Democrats making sure no child gets left behind! Old people paying reasonable prices for their meds, to Canada! GAAAHHH!!!
    > That there guy ain't gay. He's a pastor and everbody knows pasters ain't gay. That prostitute man is lying. He shoulda gone and got hisself degayed so he wouldn't be giving this here paster a bad reputation. Whats this world comin to yawl? I gotta ask!
    > While one cannot conclude that this accusation will prove to be true, the man bringing the allegation has been in the Denver and Colorado Springs area for some time. His advertisements for services have appeared in local gay publications for a number of years and it wouldn't make a lot of sense for him to come forward without sufficient and accurate information to prove his claims. That is simply speculation on my part but it would seem like a huge mistake if his story is a fabrication. My hunch is that the information will bear the coming scrutiny and that the pastor's secrets are about to be exposed.

    If Jesus was to be our example, then I don't understand this thing we now call Christian values. Pastor Haggard may believe that he speaks for God but his actions suggest that he merely fears his own humanity. Further, if the values he espouses exist to demonstrate his faith in the God he knows, then the God he knows must have already seen this element of his humanity that he cannot personally accept...which would mean that any true God has already accepted that which we humans won't and would also prove that the God Haggard purports to represent is not a real God but a God of his own creation designed to serve his flawed view of the human condition.

    Read more here:

    > We are running DNA tests on the outside of Herr Jones' leather boots.
    > Daniel

    Why do you hate gay Amerikkkans, mein herr?
  • Finally, a political comic that celebrates our heroes!
    > Speaker Pelosi! Run for your lives!!!
    > Holy shit, according to what we are being told, if the dems win we'll all be poor from higher taxes and then we get killed by terrorist. I guess being poor won't matter at that point.
    > I will do anything to win - the guy who wrote The Architect said so!
    > If them dems get into office yawl just expect a visit the next day from a terrist what'll blow your head clean off. Cheney said so and he aint' one to lie.
    > Mein ist vaiting to giff mein daughter der AK-47 for her bus ride to school...
  • Israel In Gaza
    > Look at that palm tree! The place is a paradise!
    > And to think that awful Jimmy Carter wanted them to move!
    > There?s no way clouds form like that naturally!

    There?s definitely a wisp of cumulo-nimbus in the third pixel down that is so outrageously out of place. I hate all this Al-Reuters Photoshop crap. and its obviously posed on a soundstage by Muslibs.

    I wanna see timestamps!
    > Awwww it sure is nice to see boys being polite and all during a war time. I gots a tear in my eye yawl.

Buy Ribbon Magnets! Whatever you do, don't sign up for the military yourself! That demoralizes the troops! Let them know you really care by covering your massive SUV in ribbon magnets! Plus, be sure to buy the ones that come from Communist China. Don't let the Leftist Unions win!

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We are conservative higher order apes from the Rand System. We are not nerdy at all.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Mein Is SO Embarassed!

Mein t'ought der Holy Fadder was ein pure, religious man, but here he is, playing mit some Turkish woman's nedder parts! And in ein MOSQUE, no less!
Pope makes historic mosque visit, prays with Mufti

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

But, he's so popular!

Republican Frist will not seek White House: source


Republican U.S. Senate Leader Bill Frist of Tennessee will not run for the White House in 2008, a Republican Party source said on Wednesday. Frist, a surgeon who had served two terms, had stepped down from the Senate this year to prepare for a possible presidential run. An announcement was expected later on Wednesday.

At least now, Dr. Video can focus on doing more of his fantastic Fristcasts!

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Monday, November 27, 2006

We ARE Winning!

Even der leeberal media is shaying zo! Notice dey shtopped calling dis der Iraqi War und shtarted calling it ein "Ceeveel War"?

Dot means dey know we won, und dey haff to admit dat!
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - NBC News on Monday branded the Iraq conflict a civil war -- a decision that put it at odds with the White House and that analysts said would increase public disillusionment-- with the U.S. troop presence there merelee ash obshervers.

NBC, a major U.S. television network, said on "The Today Show" that the Iraqi government's inability to stop spiraling violence between rival factions fit its definition of civil war.
You see? Der propa-- mein mean, der authorities haff upgraded dis story to show why we are still in Iraq, but WE WON! BIG SHMILE! BIG SHMILE!

Friday, November 24, 2006

BEST News From Iraq!

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Iraq's president flies to Tehran this weekend to seek help halting a descent into civil war but analysts say it may be too late and that in any case there is only so much Iraq's neighbors can do -- even if they want to.

Jalal Talabani's trip comes after a landmark visit to Iraq by Syria's foreign minister, and as U.S. President George W. Bush, facing anger over Iraq at home, is under pressure from his allies to enlist the help of his arch enemies, Iran and Syria.

Mustafa Alani, Iraqi security analyst at the Gulf Research Center in Dubai, said Talabani's trip smacked of desperation.
You see? You see? Even Iran cannot help, zo ve must shtay in country und take over rebuild der infrastructure und der pipples homes. Vich means Der Grupp...mein mean, der Vice President vill haff ein nice chob to come hoome to ven he leaves der governemental.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

MORE Good News From Iraq!

VIENNA, Austria - Iraq's top doctors are under threat and are fleeing the country, leaving hospitals in the hands of medical students or junior physicians, an Iraqi lawmaker said Wednesday.

Doctors have been kidnapped and killed since the U.S.-led invasion in 2003 that toppled ex-Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, said Dr. Rajaa al-Khuzai, an obstetrician who is an elected member of the Iraqi National Council.
You see? You see? Der doctors are leaving Iraq because we are doing such a good job protecting der citizens und providing food und medicine for dem dat der doctors don't have jobs anymore!

Which means dey vill be coming here to practice medicine! A double win: a free und healthy Iraq und cheaper medical care here! God bless America!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Dis Is A Good T'ing

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Muslim leaders expressed outrage on Tuesday after six imams were removed from a commercial airline flight in Minnesota for what they said was nothing more than trying to say evening prayers.

"They were treated like terrorists ... humiliated," said Abu Hannoud, civil rights director for the Arizona chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, who said the men were taken off the US Airways flight in handcuffs.
Dey don't like it here in America? Let dem get on a plane und fly back to wherever it is dey come from where dey can "pray" to whatever towelheaded god dey want to! We lost our country to dese pipple, dese Democrats, und now we got nothing to do but wait for Osama to come kill us all!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Teh penguins have caught teh gay!

BBC NEWS | Europe | Oslo gay animal show draws crowds

Curators say a Norwegian exhibition on homosexuality among animals
has been well received, despite initial indications of strong

The Oslo Natural History Museum opened the show last week and says it has been well attended, not least by families.

Organisers reported early criticism of the project, and being told by one opponent they would "burn in hell".

But there has been strong interest in an aspect of animal behaviour the museum says is quite common.

It says homosexuality has been observed among 1,500 species, and that in 500 of those it is well documented.

The exhibition - entitled Against Nature? - includes
photographs of one male giraffe mounting another, of apes stimulating
others of the same sex, and two aroused male right whales rubbing
against each other.


Friday, November 17, 2006

Defeatocrats brainwash Tony Blair!

BBC NEWS | UK | UK Politics | Blair accepts 'disaster' in Iraq

Tony BlairTony Blair has publicly accepted that the violence in Iraq since the US-led invasion in 2003 has been a disaster.

The prime minister's remark came during an interview with Sir David Frost on the new al-Jazeera English-language Arabic TV channel.

Oh my God! His tie is pink!

It's all over! His tie is pink!

Well, I'm going to the bunker to wait for Jesus.

Der News Is Biased!

Der poor white people in America...mein pities you! How do you let dis propaganda get on der air????

Dey Tried To Take Mein Out!

Der damn dirty liberals tried to take mein out of der election mit der flu, twice, but mein bounced back and am back blogging fighting in Iraq from mein keyboard once again!

Mein is not schared dat der Dems won stole der election und took over abducted der Congress. Mein is positive dat Der Fuhr...mein mean, der President will win der war in Iraq before January und bring der troops home in time for Christmas.

Wot are you going to do den, liberals? Wot are you going to whiiiiiiine about den? Huh? HAH! We win!

On to victory!

Bush: Vietnam War Offered Lessons for Iraq - Forbes.com

President Bush said Friday the United States' unsuccessful war in Vietnam three decades ago offered lessons for the American-led struggle in Iraq. "We'll succeed unless we quit," Bush said shortly after arriving in this one-time war capital.

Goddamn right!  George Bush didn't quit iin Vietnam!  He won the war singlehandedly!  Some of you liberal pukes might be the cover story that Bush was in the National Guard in Texas and Alabama, or the even coverer cover story that he was AWOL, but goddammit, the truth was that George Bush was on super secret ops and he skullfucked Ho Chi Minh in Hanoi while Jane Fonda tongued his asshole!

George Bush took down more V.C. than gonorrhea, and don't you forget it!  This boy ain't a quitter!  He's a goddamned warrior poet philosopher king! 


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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Godless Marines damaging nation's poor!

Jesus gets shut up

LOS ANGELES - A company that sells Bible-quoting Jesus dolls said it was surprised and disappointed that the Marine Reserves' Toys for Tots program turned down its offer to donate 4,000 of the talking dolls.

"I believe as a churchgoing person, anyone can benefit from hearing the words of the Bible," said Michael La Roe, director of business development for Valencia-based Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co. and its one2believe division, which makes the line of Bible character dolls.

Bill Grein, vice president of Marine Toys for Tots Foundation, in Quantico, Va., said the offer was turned down because Toys for Tots doesn't know anything about the religious affiliations of the children who receive its gifts.

"We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family," Grein said Tuesday. "Kids want a gift for the holiday season that is fun."

According to one2believe's Web site, the button-activated, bearded Jesus doll recites Scripture such as "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" and "Love your neighbor as yourself."

How dare you, Marine Corps? What the hell have you ever done for this country?

Maybe Shirley Phelps was right.

Westboro Church Protesters At Arlington Cemetery

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Terrorismist Bears To Attack Dis Winter!!!!!

MOSCOW, Nov 15 (Reuters Life!) - Insomniac bears are roaming the forests of southwestern Siberia scaring local people as the weather stays too warm for the animals to fall into their usual winter slumber.

The furry mammals escape harsh winters by going to sleep in October-November for around six months, but in the snowless Kemerovo region where the weather is unseasonably warm, bears have no desire yet to hibernate.
Al Qaeda has recruited der bears! In Russia! Der Russian bears! Someone, quick, tell Shtephen Colbert!!!!!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Vote early and vote often!

Someone nominated Little Green Fascists as "Best Conservative Blog" in the 2006 Weblog Awards!

Be sure to vote! Make those fake conservatives cry come election day!

Iraqis stood up! We win! Double plus good!

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Iraq hostages 'freed by police'

An Iraqi police commando (file pic)All of the hostages seized in a raid by gunmen on a Baghdad higher education facility have been released, Iraqi officials say.

A government spokesman told the BBC that the hostages were freed in a number of police raids across the city.

Gunmen dressed in uniforms similar to those worn by Iraqi police abducted dozens of people.

See folks? Elections do work! Both the kidnappers and the rescuers were Iraqi police. They're standing up all over the place. Hooray for democracy!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Fine American Arrested in Fake Anthrax Terror Scheme

Things fall apart fast when they fall apart ... now another of our fine shock troops has been taken down by terrorist-approved Democrats:

A California man suspected of mailing threatening letters containing a suspicious white powder to celebrities and U.S. politicians has been arrested and could face federal charges on Monday, the FBI said.

Investigators identified Chad Castagana, 39, of Woodland Hills, California, as the person suspected of sending more than a dozen threatening letters to media outlets and the homes of public figures in various cities, the FBI said in a statement on Sunday evening.
Of course, the fact that he posted at Free Republic had everything to do with his vile entrapment by the FBI (which, of course, has aligned itself with our new Democrat overlords). It was a little joke - white-powder envelopes to Olbermann, Letterman, and the odd politician.

Fellow Freepers, we have no choice now - we must overthrow the Democrat terrorist America-haters that have taken over our country. I'll be vacationing in Denmark, but you can update me - I'll be on my Blackberry! Let me know how the coup goes!

Defend Britney Spears' Marriage!

My good conservative friend, Jon Swift, has let me know that America's Sweetheart TM, Britney Spears, has text-messaged her husband that she wants a divorce. Mr. Spears, Kevin "K-Fed" Federline, has been forced by this outrage to take the extreme step of filing for sole custody of the couple's two children. You know as well as I do that men should have nothing to do with the raising of children, so this state of affairs is unacceptable!

Fortunately, as Jon lets us know, we have an alternative to see K-Fed wearing a Snugli and baby bottle as he raps to half-empty bars: We must get Congress to pass the Defense of Britney's Marriage Act before it adjourns. Hurry! We don't have much time before the Islamofascists penetrate the House and dominate the Senate.

Contact your Senator and Congressman and let them know you want immediate action on the defense of Britney's Marriage! Contact President Bush and ask him to fly back from Crawford again just to correct this outrage. They all did it to for Terry Schiavo's family; they should do it for Britney's children!

(Ignore the Congresswomen. They are an abomination and there aren't that many of them to boot. God help you if you are represented by one of them. Amen).

Islamocajuns attack me for speaking the truth!

All I said was that we ought to shut down New Orleans, lure gay Mexicans there, and then drown them! You'd think I said something that doesn't make any goddamn sense, but I guess there's no pleasing the Defeatocajuns.

These guys better ease up, or Jerry Falwell and Ted Haggard are going to send another hurricane their way!

Saturday, November 11, 2006


Despite the 'news fast' during my spiritual restoration* which began six blissfully short weeks ago, I heard about the mess you have all made of the elections -- and I'm talking to you, Karl! And you, Carl!

We lost the House? And the Senate?! And there are 8 House races still to be decided?! And another one where the voter fraud was so obvious that it is under investigation?! And an Islamofascist was elected to the House?! You even lost governorships!

And New Hampshire! How do you lose New Hampshire?!?!? 'Live Free or Die' New Hampshire is now under Islamofascist rule?! How is that even possible???

Now that I'm back in the saddle, all spiritually restored, de-gayed and deloused, I'm going to kick some ass. Until the nukes hit us, of course.

*They just let me out - something about wanting to make sure I couldn't vote - which is unChristian or something - and to make sure I would miss all the 'victory' parties. But it worked out... despite his over-bleached teeth, that Ted Haggard is really cute!

Friday, November 10, 2006

A 700-mile long pink fence

BBC NEWS | Americas | Mexico City passes gay union law

Mexico City's assembly has backed a law recognising same-sex civil unions, the first such move in the country's history.
Now we have to worry about Mexicans stealing our jobs and making our kids gay.

I don't have enough money for degaying camp for me and my kids.

Friday Cat Bloggink

Der shpitting image

Mein Hast Switched To Ein Blackshirt...

Ve should mourn our fallen comrades....

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Damn those Egyptian defeatists!

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Mubarak warns on Saddam execution

"Carrying out this verdict will explode violence like waterfalls in Iraq," Former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein(Egyptian President Hosni) Mubarak is quoted as saying by Egyptian state-run newspapers.

The verdict "will transform (Iraq) into pools of blood and lead to a deepening of the sectarian and ethnic conflicts," he said.

I guess this guy didn't hear Dick Cheney when he said things were going well. Idiot.

I'm Reviewing The Situation

{{fucking sock puppet dissed me at the news conference yesterday}} Oh hello! Don't worry - I have a plan to fix this once and for all! There's Diebold, and legal challenges, and all kinds of ... what?

The Senate too?


Vilsack is no Woodcock!

Iowa Gov. Vilsack to run for president - Yahoo! News

In a file photo Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack speaks during an interview, Monday, Oct. 9, 2006, in his office at the Iowa Statehouse in Des Moines, Iowa.   Vilsack said he will officially launch his presidential campaign Thursday, Nov. 9, 2006,  when he files documents with the Federal Election Commission.   (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall) Democratic Gov. Tom Vilsack of Iowa took the initial step in his long-shot bid for the White House Thursday, establishing a presidential campaign committee and seeking an early jump on 2008.

Sadly, Chandler Woodcock did not become the governor of Maine. It's a sad say for those of us who love Woodcock. I hear Ted Haggard was a huge Woodcock fan, although he kept his love of Woodcock secret.

I'm also sad to report that Dick Mountjoy failed in his bid to knock off queer-loving liberal Barbara Boxer. We're doomed!


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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

It's Rummy's Fault!

Dat bastard! Eef he had resigned last week when dey were asking heem to, der Republicans would have won der Congress last night! Der greedy little bastard!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I smell a Blackwell win!

Bloomberg.com: U.S.
In Ohio, where all 88 counties were using electronic voting machines for the first time, lines were reported 30 people deep in Cincinnati, parts of Cleveland and Athens, AP reported.

It's good when you control the voting machines!

Our Permanent Majority

It's all coming together perfectly. Our Dear Leader has helped out candidates all across this great land of ours. I smell victory!

And wouldn't you know it, the Democrats aren't content to shut up and lose - they're trying, again and again and again, to steal the election. Well we won't stand for it. We have armies of lawyers standing by because the Democrats always run to court when they can't win elections.

So vote Republican, or else it's Speaker Pelosi, wall-to-wall investigations, and possibly jail time.


NEW YORK, Nov 6 (Reuters) - Online traders in contracts on the outcome of Tuesday's U.S. Congressional elections are putting their money on the Democrats recapturing the House of Representatives, but if their wagers are any guide, the Republicans are likely to hold on to the Senate.

On tradesports.com, an Irish online betting site, the latest prices reflect just a 25 percent chance that the Republican party will retain control of the House.

But the chances of the Republicans holding the Senate edged up a few percentage points from late last week to almost 75 percent.

"I say buy GOP now while its cheap," said one trader in a chatroom on the tradesports.com website. "I just bought a bunch," he said, referring to a contract that pays out $100 if the Republicans retain control of the Senate.
You see? Dey don't have to hold der elections anymore! Chust let der bettors tell us who should rule!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Der Plan Komes Together

LOS ANGELES - A landslide victory for California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger may offer Republicans a rare bright spot amid the gloom of US gubernatorial elections expected to see Democrats make large gains on Tuesday. A total of 36 out of the 50 US states will be choosing their highest state official in polls held alongside congressional elections, with Democrats aiming to end the night with over half of the country's governors.
Jah, when der chips are down for ein nation's pipples, dey allus look to der Germans for help...

Minimal Change

Only I have the polls - well, me and Mehlman. And our polls say minimum change - in fact, we might pick up a couple seats!

So what if we're using a few phone scams and other voter suppression techniques? These are time-honored tactics - you Defeatocrats are just upset because we read the rules of the game and you didn't. PEW says we're coming up fast. So you Defeatocrats just stay home tomorrow, don't worry about anything, and we'll make sure your new "majority" gets exactly what it deserves.

UPDATE: See, Fox says we're winning too!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Another corner turned!

Bush Hails Saddam Verdict As Milestone for Iraq

President Bush celebrated Saddam Hussein's death sentence as a victory for ``Iraq's young democracy'' and U.S. security, taking a break from an election campaign in which Republicans are suffering from public discontent with the Iraq war.

White House spokesman Tony Snow decried as ``absolutely crazy'' any notion that Sunday's end to Saddam's nine-month trial was timed to produce positive news on the divisive, unpopular war two days before Americans vote. The United States has always denied direct involvement in the trial, though suspicions persisted throughout the proceedings.

With their leader lynched, surely al Qaeda will crumble!  Take that, idiotarians!

Vote The Status Quo!

OK - Pastor Ted has been fired, and there's nothing more to see - obviously his wife was a pig, so he sought solace in the arms of another ... er, of someone else. Forget all about it, watch this inspiring video, then go vote Republican:

Friday, November 03, 2006

Mission accomplished!

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Scores of bodies found in Baghdad

Men embracing after death of relative in BaghdadBaghdad police say they have found 83 bodies, some showing signs of torture, in various locations around the city in the past 36 hours.

The fresh killings came as the US said seven more US soldiers had died, and that troops had killed 13 insurgents.

The way I count it, that's 96 more terrorists who won't attack us here.

That is, unless the Democrats take control of Congress! Then, they'll reanimate themselves and kill your children at their gay weddings! (The terrorists' gay weddings. Not your children's gay weddings. If your children are having gay weddings, you didn't stone them hard enough.)

Shneaky Demoncrats

Mayor Bill White ordered a halt Wednesday to the city health department's privately funded drive to offer flu vaccinations at early voting sites in predominantly Hispanic and black neighborhoods, amid conservative criticism that the effort would boost Democratic turnout.

About 1,300 flu shots were given to people age 50 or older in the past three days under the program, which didn't require the recipients to vote. Health officials said they were only trying to reach people in medically underserved communities.

White defended the program Wednesday but said he decided to abandon it to avoid the perception that it was an attempt to draw certain voters to the polls. White is a former chairman of the state Democratic Party and served in the administration of former President Clinton.
Der Dems want to kill der Schwarze und der Spanisch to get der Congress back!!!!!!!

Pay No Attention To This!

Republican sex scandal? Perish the thought! Haggard is a Democrat! Any photos you see of him with the Dear Leader are clever Democrat photoshop thingys. He was not in the Oval Office when the Dear Leader signed the partial birth abortion act, and Jerry Falwell is telling the truth when he says Haggard wasn't there.

And you fundies? You'd better get your asses out and vote or its Speaker Pelosi and Democrat investigations of the Dear Leader. It'll be impeachment! Gay Democrats giving knives to terrorists so they can slit your throats in your beds! Cut and run! War on Terror! 9/11! Remember, we're the family values party! Vote Republican! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

Richard Martin for president!

This guy speaks God's truth!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Stupid liberal upstate New York cops smear fine upstanding family man Congressman John Sweeney, the bastards!

New York Daily News - Home - Sweeney: Cop came but report is a fake

CLIFTON PARK, N.Y. - Rep. John Sweeney and his wife admitted yesterday that a state trooper had to come to their home last December - but insisted that a police report describing the frightening early-morning scrap was a fake.

"The report is false. ... There was no domestic violence, and - like my wife - I would call on the state police to release the original report," Sweeney told reporters outside the home of GOP strategist Tom Slater.

I cannot understand how these state troopers would dare to lie about a fine upstanding family man like John Sweeney. Who cares if he looks like Tony Soprano and his wife told the 911 operator -- twice -- that she felt her life was in danger? Who cares?!

I mean, if the police issued a report every time I had to keep my wife in line, I'd be able to wallpaper the house.

Get it straight, liberal state troopers: the Bible says my wife is my property. And, if I want to grab my property by the neck and throw my property around my house, which is also my property, then by gum, I am gonna do it!

I call on all state troopers everywhere to resign in disgrace and then be taken to Gitmo for reprogramming.


November Surprise! November Surprise!

OIL CITY, Pa. - Letter carriers occasionally have to deal with angry dogs or maybe even a spider's nest in a mailbox, but a mean squirrel? Barb Dougherty, a 30-year Postal Service employee, said she was attacked and bitten Monday by a squirrel while delivering mail in Oil City, about 75 miles north of Pittsburgh.

"It was a freak thing. It was traumatic," Dougherty told The Derrick in Oil City. "I saw it there on the porch, put the mail in the box and turned to walk away and it jumped on me."

The animal ran up her leg and onto her back, she said.

"I eventually got a hold of the tail and pulled it off me," Dougherty said. "No one was home at the house where I was delivering the mail, but the neighbor lady heard me screaming and came over."
You see? You see? Voting Democrat means der squirrels will win!


This is awful - a fine pastoral friend of our Most Revered Leader accused of being gay, the Right Rev. Ted Haggard. I mean - c'mon! Look what his Wikipedia entry has him saying:

"I don't operate technically with the gift of tongues, but I do pray in tongues every day in my prayer closet [a small room set aside for prayer and speaking in tongues at New Life Church]."

See, it's a prayer closet, not a closet closet! He comes out of it closer to Jesus. He doesn't come out of it to, like, come out! And the "gift of tongues"? Get your minds out of the gutter!

And you Colorado wingnuts - you'd better not let this keep you from the polls. You 14,000 members of Ted Haggard's congregation - you'd better vote even though ... nevermind. 9/11! Democrat terrorists slitting your throats in your beds! Speaker Pelosi! She'll raise your taxes! 9/11! Gays in the military! Every Democrat judge will be gay! And a Democrat! GAAAAHHHH!

UPDATE: See! This fine patriot says Pastor Ted's accuser is a liar! So there! (Of course, the Moonbats are ecstatic).

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Finally, a political comic that celebrates our heroes!

The Poor Man Institute » Keyboard Kommando Komix

Finally, everything makes sense to me ... in comic strip form!

Israel In Gaza

At der end of der Ramadanadingdong, Israel extends ein laurel...und hearty handshake to der Palestinians, by providing dem air conditioning in der desert!

Such nice boys, dose Jews, hah?